It’s a universally acknowledged truth that if there is one thing a woman doesn’t need more of in her life, it’s penis pictures — particularly an unsolicited one (and aren’t they all?). Every woman you know has received the surprise package portrait, and we’re all sick of it. As a public service, here are some alternatives we’d prefer way more:
Literally anything else.
In the five-second window between the hasty snap and then the thirsty text, we wish men would just think about it. There are so many other things that could be sent to get our attention. A junk picture screams “I’m lazy” — he needs to put some effort into it.
A junk picture, by its very nature, is all about the person sending it. Unless it’s coming up in a mutually agreed upon sexting arrangement, the phallic portrait is commanding your attention towards his desires, not ours. It’s ironic that this pursuit of the D is less likely to endear us to them. A compliment says “Hey, you’re interesting, and I’m interested in you, not just what you can do for me.”
A detailed description of how you’d like our next/first sexual encounter to go.
It’s not that women don’t enjoy sexting. We totally do! We’d prefer a little thought behind it, that’s all. Give us a rundown of things you’d like to do with us, rather than at us.
Men are bad at taking selfies — that’s a categorical fact. A well-composed selfie can make waves greater than any penis picture can. Ladies are always on the hunt for a dude who actually looks like the best version of himself in his Tinder photo, rather than the creepiest Zodiac killer version.
An offer of Netflix and chill.
Is “Netflix and chill?” kind of lazy? Yes, but it’s also kind of funny. It’s a hell of a lot more entertaining than a penis pic, that’s for sure. You’re telling me there’s a possibility of getting to catch up on Homeland before we hook up? Sold.
Ideas for your next date.
It depends on the situation, of course, but if we’re in even the loosest of dating scenarios, we’d rather see that a dude would like to hang out again than to see the physical manifestation of that. Be creative, or at least more creative than a low-res penis shot.
A text asking, “Hey, can I send you this picture of my penis?”
Consent really is sexy. Instead of a wanton penis flying across our screens, taking us unaware, we’d like to see a man asking for permission first.
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