There’s no getting around it — sex is different when you’re in a serious long-term relationship or married. It doesn’t matter which of my girlfriends I talk to about this, everyone admits the same things. The sex you have when you’re younger and not tied down is something special, but it’s not the same as the amazing and fun sex you have when you’re wifed up. Here’s why:
You feel less like you need to impress him. You know how it is when you start seeing or sleeping with someone new. You want to be a sex goddess and impress him in bed so he thinks about you all day long. Serious relationship sex doesn’t have that kind of pressure — you already know he’s into you, so you get to relax and just have fun.
You’re less self-conscious. He digs you, right? Obvi- that’s why you’re his partner. When you’re single or casually dating, you feel like you need to be a model with amazing T & A. It can be a little stressful, but in a serious relationship, you know he loves you just as you are. Right on.
You’re more likely to try things that make you uncomfortable. Maybe its just me, but when I was dating guys I didn’t love or care about, I wasn’t willing to try things I didn’t like or didn’t think I’d like. Now that I’m married and I know I can trust the dude I’m sleeping with, my inhibitions are MIA because no matter what happens, he’s still my husband.
Sometimes the sex is very vanilla and that’s okay. I like vanilla! There’s comfort and normalcy in plain old missionary style sex. Something about being in a serious relationship makes even the basics comfortable and romantic. It’s nice to just get naked and connect with your partner without it being crazy athletic or sweaty.
Sometimes you have to schedule it in. Relationships are hard, we all know that. Our lives our busy, we’re overwhelmed with life in general and we’re tired — so sometimes sex isn’t our top priority. While that’s okay occasionally, it shouldn’t be a regular occurrence. Sometimes you have to break out the planner and schedule it in. Make it happen!
You’re less afraid to speak up. I was less likely to complain to a guy I didn’t care too much about if he sucked at oral. I see the error of my ways now. The beauty of serious relationship sex is you’re way more comfortable telling him what you want and don’t want and how you like it — and he’s way more likely to listen. #winning
It can be a sensitive part of your relationship. Sex can sometimes be stressful. If one partner is too tired all of the time or if the other partner doesn’t feel sexy anymore, you can quickly become at odds about your sex life. It can put a strain on a relationship that you’ve never experienced with your less serious partners, but it shouldn’t have to be. Communication is key.
There’s so much trust. You don’t have to worry that he will tell his friends, make fun of you or stop calling because the sex wasn’t great. You can feel totally at ease because he loves you and you trust him. It’s a beautiful thing.
It’s the best sex of your life. At the end of the day, the sex you have with your husband — the guy who’s there for you for better or worse, in sickness and in health, will likely be the best sex you ever have in your life. Isn’t that awesome?
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