We all know by now that sexuality exists on a spectrum. It’s pretty uncommon for a person to be 100% straight or 100% gay. Instead, most of us fall somewhere along the line in either direction. Your sexuality can even change over time depending on how you feel and the circumstnaces in your life. And while you’ve probably heard of terms like asexuality and graysexuality, you may not know what it means to be cupiosexual. So, what is cupiosexuality and how do you know if it might describe you? Read on to find out.
What is cupiosexuality?
The term cupiosexuality falls under the umbrella of asexuality but isn’t the same. In essence, this term describes someone who desires a sexual relationship or having sex with someone but who doesn’t experience sexual attraction to other people. It’s an identity that’s part of the LGBTQIA+ community but that hasn’t been discussed as often as it should be.
Because it’s so similar to other microlabels, it may be difficult for a person to recognize that they are cupiosexual. In fact, many people only realize this applies to them by process of elimination. For instance, they may first believe that they’re asexual because they don’t feel turned on by other people. However, the knowledge that they still experience sexual desire if not attraction eventually leads many people to the label of cupiosexuality.
It’s worth noting that cupiosexuals can be and may desire sexual relationships with people of any gender or sexual identity.
Signs you might be cupiosexual
- You rarely (if ever) experience sexual attraction to another person. Even if you can logically see that someone is physically attractive, you never have the desire to sleep with them. There’s nothing another person can do to turn you on or make you feel sexual desire. You’re not repulsed by the idea of sexual activity with them. Instead, you don’t feel much of anything at all.
- You still get horny, just not for anyone in particular. A cupiosexual can and does usually experience sexual desire or “horniness.” It’s just that those feelings are never directed toward anyone in particular. It’s a biological instinct rather than a feeling brought on by a connection with another person.
- You want to have sex with someone or be in a sexual relationship even if it’s ungratifying. This is the hallmark of cupiosexuality. Despite not feeling sexually attracted to anyone, you can still imagine yourself in romantic relationships with them. Cupiosexuals are still capable of experiencing emotional and intellectual attraction, after all.
What’s the difference between being cupiosexual and asexual?
Cupiosexuality implies a lack of sexual attraction to other people but includes a desire for sexual connection and relationships regardless. However, asexuality is a term used to describe those who do not experience sexual attraction and have no desire to have sexual relationships with anyone else.
How to come out as cupiosexual to your friends, family, and prospective partners
You shouldn’t feel pressured to share your sexuality with those closest to you when you’re not ready. However, if you do want to be open and honest about your feelings and relationships, you might be wondering the best way to do so. After all, cupiosexuality isn’t a term most people have heard before, so it may be confusing.
One of the best ways to broach the topic is perhaps by introducing the idea of asexuality. Once they understand the basic concept, you can then introduce your cupiosexual identity and how it differs.
This is a very important conversation to have especially with potential partners. While there’s nothing to prevent cupiosexuals from being in romantic relationships, it’s important your partner is on the same page and knows your boundaries and expectations. There are plenty of people out there who will respect your identity and may even relate to it themself. However, it’s important to be candid to avoid hurting people or leading them on.
