Whether or not you’re a fan of labeling your sexuality, chances are, you or those around you have an idea of how you identify. That can get tricky when that’s not necessarily a static situation. Sound familiar? You might be experiencing abrosexuality. Here’s what to know about it and signs it may describe you.
What is abrosexuality?
Simply put, abrosexuality describes the experience of having different levels and kinds of sexual and romantic traction at different points in life. For instance, identifying as gay or lesbian at one point and dating the same sex, only to later identify as straight and participate in heteronormative relationships. Alternately, an abrosexual might be asexual or aromantic at one point, though they later feel attraction and take part in relationships. There is no one set of sexualities they experience; rather, it’s simply an ever-evolving process.
Abrosexuality is often described as sexual fluidity, as it defies putting oneself in a particular box or using a single identity label. In essence, it’s a state of constant change, with no one sexual orientation remaining permanent throughout your life.
Signs you may be abrosexual
- You can’t commit to a single sexual orientation. You may have tried to figure out in your own head which sexual orientation feels right to you. However, you can never really decide. Just when you think you might be gay, suddenly end up in a straight relationship. When you’re part of a heterosexual couple, suddenly your interest in them fades. It’s hard to know where you stand.
- You’re sometimes highly sexual and at other times uninterested. Sometimes you love having sex and prefer to be doing it a lot. At other times, you completely lose interest and your libido plummets to nothing. At those times, you’re pretty sure you’re asexual and romantic. However, that eventually changes again.
- You’ve missed out on relationships because people misunderstand your sexuality. One of the more frustrating side effects of abrosexuality is other people’s reactions to it. When you’re in gay relationships, your partners worry that you’ll suddenly be straight again. When you’re in heterosexual relationships, your partners know there will likely come a time when your attraction will shift to the same sex. Because of this, many people write you off and don’t take you seriously.
- You constantly feel like you have to “come out” to those around you. Because being abrosexual means your sexuality is often changing, “coming out” is an ongoing process. When you shift to a different phase of attraction, explaining yourself all over again becomes exhausting.
- You get frustrated when people try to label you. You hate when people try to label you as straight, gay, bisexual, etc. It always feels so limiting, and you don’t get why people are so desperate to put you in a box.
- You worry when you get into relationships that they won’t last. Because you know your sexuality is always changing, you may avoid relationships. You don’t want to hurt someone if your attraction wanes or disappears altogether. Sometimes you wonder if it’s worth it at all. (Spoiler alert: It is!)
Is being abrosexual the same as being pansexual?
While they’re similar, abrosexuality and pansexuality are indeed different. While both groups are attracted to people regardless of gender or sexuality, pansexuals experience this attraction throughout their lives. In contrast, abrosexuals may be pansexual at one point, gay or lesbian at another, and straight at another. Their orientation is regularly changing, whereas pansexuals remain attracted to all people at all times.
In other words, abrosexual people can be pansexual at times, but those who identify as pansexual are not abrosexual.
How to navigate the dating world as an abrosexual
- Be honest and upfront. While your partner may struggle to understand abrosexuality, honesty is always the best policy. Don’t hide who you are or how you love, as that will only cause more problems. Instead, try to be open with the people you date. Explain where you’re coming from and reassure them that you’re in it for the right reasons. If they can’t handle it, it’s not meant to be.
- Try not to put too much pressure on yourself or your relationships. Self-destructive tendencies are sure to ruin your relationships. By freaking out about possibly falling out of love with your partner or your levels of attraction dropping off, you’re pretty much guaranteeing things will fail. Standard relationship advice would tell you to take things one day at a time. That applies here, too. No one knows what’s going to happen tomorrow or next week or next year. Live in the moment and enjoy it.
- Be open to change. You’ve been around the block enough to know that at some point, your romantic and sexual attraction will likely change. How, when, and why aren’t questions you can ask. However, it’s important that you accept yourself as you are. Not only that, but you should love yourself. You’re not lacking or deficient in any way. You’re perfect just as you are. The more you remember that, the happier you’ll be.
