Being In A Relationship Doesn’t Mean You’ll Never Be Lonely

When you’re single and dying to fall in love, you can’t imagine having a bad day ever again once you find that special someone. It’s like you’re pleading with the universe to give you a boyfriend and you’ll never complain about anything ever again. But then it happens and you realize that rain still falls and stuff still happens. It’s tempting to think your days of loneliness are way over when you have a boyfriend, and yet that will never be the case. Read on to find out why a relationship has absolutely nothing to do with how lonely you are.

  1. If your life was empty before, it won’t be any more full now. We’re conditioned to think that once we land the so-called perfect guy, we’re one step away from a princess wedding and life is good. But if you’re waiting for someone else to put some color into your black-and-white world, that will never work. The other person will start to notice your desperation and you’ll be leaning on them for all the wrong reasons. Don’t expect someone else to fix you – do the work yourself. We all have to face ourselves at one point or another, so it’s definitely not something to be ashamed of.
  2. Nothing feels worse than a failing relationship. You can be the happiest single girl in the world and the most miserable person checking plus-one on wedding invites. When things aren’t working out with your BF and you smell an approaching break-up, you’ll feel more alone than you ever could if you were unattached. At least when you’re by yourself, you can cheer yourself up with your favorite things and spending time with your girlfriends. You can’t snap out of it if you’ve got boy problems, because until things are solved, you’ll be in a total funk.
  3. Your boyfriend’s moods and behavior can affect your own. His “I’m fine” and refusal to talk about what’s bothering him can be a real shock to the system, especially when you’re so used to girls’ nights out that include spilling every issue and problem. Your friendships feel rich and meaningful because you get back what you put in – you share your stories, and your friends do the same. Telling your significant other how you feel and not getting the same back can feel pretty lonely.
  4. You don’t always know where you stand. Even if you’re committed to each other, how do you know what’s going to happen? Marriage might be on the table or you might break up right after getting engaged. Worrying about the future and what it holds for you and the person you love is the definition of lonely.
  5. Your BF may love you, but his people may not. You were super excited to finally meet your new love’s fam, but the dinner didn’t exactly go as planned. Now you’re wondering how to get over this crappy feeling of knowing that his mom absolutely loathes you. And since it’s a tricky subject, not being able to really talk about it is only going to worsen your loneliness.
  6. Coupling up could end up being pretty isolating. When you’re solo, you want to fill up your time, so you’re all about your yoga love and your juicing hobby and keeping up with your crippling pop culture addiction. It’s natural to become a total homebody when you couple up – watching Netflix is way more fun with someone else than alone, and you love the warm and cozy feeling of having someone to stay in with. But that can get old fast and you can feel like something is missing. You can start to mourn the good old days when you had hobbies and interests and went out every night of the week. And once you realize that, there’s no going back, so missing your fun single life will feel pretty depressing.
  7. You may be a Relationship Girl thanks to your fear of being alone. If you’re a serial monogamist, you’re so focused on always having a boyfriend that you freak out at the first sign of trouble because you don’t want to be single again. But if you’re fighting 24/7 and checking out other guys, you’re probably headed for splitsville. And that makes you lonelier than you’d like to think about.
  8. Loneliness isn’t about being physically with other people. There are a million different reasons that people feel lonely, and they’re not all about physical contact with another person. You can feel down because your mom lives halfway across the country and you miss her. You can feel replaced when your bestie starts hanging out with a new friend. You can feel alone at the office because you’ve been given a ton of responsibility lately and you’re scared to ask for help. None of these things have anything to do with your relationship status.
  9. You’re going to have solo nights, even when you’re attached. Your guy will have to go on a work trip or may even choose to travel with some of his friends. Or he’ll just, you know, have a social life of his own and will want to see his buddies some evenings. You won’t be with him every single day or night of your lives. Of course you’ll feel lousy when you’re apart because that’s what happens when you’re in love.
  10. Your BF may never be your #1 confidante. We all compromise in relationships – we have to, or we’d never survive. So maybe what works for you and your guy is that you spill your guts out first to your sister or cousin and talk to him later on. You may start to feel distant from him and that may never go away, even though this system usually works for the two of you. But if that’s the only hiccup in your love story, maybe learn to live with it. Just because you feel lonely every once in a while doesn’t mean that defines you – it’s totally normal.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.