My relationship with my long-term boyfriend was hanging on by a thread, and although neither of us was happy, we couldn’t bring ourselves to break up. I was beginning to think that I’d never convince myself to leave, but then my boyfriend gave me a gift that finally pushed me to end it.
Our sex life was nonexistent.
My then-boyfriend and I were together for almost two years and we didn’t have sex for the last six months we spent together. For a while, I was fine with taking care of my own needs because of how much I loved him, but after months of no sex, I became miserable. I should’ve broken up with him when I realized we weren’t sexually compatible but I cared about him so much that I stayed.
I tried everything to fix it.
The dead bedroom wasn’t caused because of my lack of effort. My boyfriend simply had no libido or perhaps wasn’t sexually attracted to me. I did everything in my power to resolve the situation, from being generous in bed without expecting anything in return to researching counselors who could help us. Unfortunately, the effort was completely one-sided, and since my boyfriend wouldn’t even meet me in the middle, we continued to have a sexless relationship.
He kept hinting at the “amazing” gift he got me for Christmas.
When December rolled around, my boyfriend kept teasing that he’d gotten me something for Christmas that I’d love. He said that he’d told all his friends about it, that he couldn’t wait to give it to me, and that it would make me so happy. I had no idea what to expect, but he’d hyped it up so much that I couldn’t help but get excited.
When I saw what it was, I was mortified.
We went to my boyfriend’s parents’ house for the holidays, and after we’d exchanged our other gifts, he asked me to come into his room so he could give me the gift. When I unwrapped it, I thought it was a joke — it was a massive, bright pink vibrator-dildo combo. It looked like something you’d give a friend as a gag gift for a bachelorette party. My first instinct was to laugh, but when I looked at my boyfriend’s face, I realized that yes, this was seriously the gift that he’d been so excited to give me.
It showed that he knew nothing about me.
I’m certainly not against sex toys, but what my boyfriend gave me just wasn’t… me. We hadn’t even used a tiny vibrator in the bedroom, and even when I masturbated, I just used my hand. I always try to appreciate the thought behind gifts, but what hurt so much about my boyfriend’s present was that I felt like there wasn’t any thought that went into it. It felt like the R-rated version of getting your coworker a generic bath and body gift set for Secret Santa because you didn’t know them well enough to find something more personal.
It represented everything that was wrong with our relationship.
My boyfriend’s reasoning for getting me the massive dildo was so that I could use it and think about him when we were apart. It was basically a band-aid, and that’s what upset me the most. Just like with everything else in our sex life, I was being left to take care of things on my own. It would’ve meant so much more if he’d taken me into a sex shop so we could pick something out together, but instead, he just gave me a ridiculous sex toy and considered his work done. Even though he didn’t mean for the gift to be taken this way, I felt like I was being told to literally go screw myself.
I couldn’t bring myself to use it.
Maybe it would’ve been best for me to just appreciate the gift and at least try to use it, but I couldn’t. Every time I thought about giving it a shot, I’d just feel sad, and any sexual desire I had would instantly die. Instead, it sat in the closet in its original packaging.
My resentment grew every time I thought about it.
It sounds silly to say that the dildo “haunted” me, but it really did feel like a hot pink metaphor for my failing relationship. I viewed it the way I felt like my boyfriend viewed my needs: sitting there on the shelf in plain sight, but untouched and ignored. It wasn’t just an object to me — it was a symbol for just how much I was settling in my relationship.
It ended up being the final straw I needed to end things.
There were so many moments when I should’ve walked out, but couldn’t bring myself to do it. But although I convinced myself to stay through endless fights, tears, and doubts, the hot pink dildo ended up being what finally tore my relationship apart beyond repair. After a couple of weeks of asking myself if a breakup was really what I wanted, I finally had that tough conversation with my boyfriend, and we went our separate ways.
I don’t regret it one bit.
Thankfully, the story of The Breakup Dildo is one that I can now tell my friends with a laugh. My ex and I have both moved on to happier relationships, and my sex life no longer sucks. It seems ridiculous to think that of all things, a sex toy is what finally pushed me to end my doomed relationship, but now, I’m glad that I made the choice that I did so that both of us could go pursue happiness (and orgasms) elsewhere.
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