Crying during sex is usually a sign that something isn’t quite right, but for me, it’s the exact opposite. In fact, when the waterworks start, it’s a sign that I’ve just had a pretty incredible orgasm, but most guys don’t get that. Most of the time, I’m pretty sure they just think I’m weird.
It freaked me out the first time it happened too. It was the ideal evening, a delicious homemade dinner followed by mind-blowing sex, when it happened. The crygasm. First, there was an incredible orgasm, and then all of a sudden I was attacked by violent sobs and a brief yet powerful flood of what I could only describe as intense feeling—sadness, anger, joy, relief, a million things at once. He had no clue what to do. He just pulled me close and kept asking if he’d hurt me, which he hadn’t, and if he could help, which he couldn’t. My fit may not have lasted long, but it was enough to create some awkward space between us.
Guys don’t really know what to do when it happens (which is often). I’ve scared several men completely away with my post-orgasm breakdowns. Most of the time, they’re smart enough to just hold me until it passes, but I’ve had a few creative reactions. One guy didn’t even stop at the sight of my tears—he just kept going at it. Another guy just awkwardly patted my head like that was going to help.
It’s usually ugly crying. Let’s be real—no one can look like a Disney princess when they’re crying. It’s not silent, strong tears. Like the orgasm itself, it’s a kind of release and the tears feel like they’re clawing their way out. The result is a snotty, loud, red-faced mess. Couple that with sex-hair and messy makeup and you’ve got next year’s Halloween costume.
I’m scared they’ll think I’m an emotional wreck. A lot of people seem to have the idea that crying after an orgasm is a completely emotional reaction and a result of some past trauma or mental issues. I’m scared that I’ll be labeled a psycho and lose my chance at a real relationship because of it. What if, through some elaborate system of guy-chat, my dating pool shrinks dramatically because word spreads that I’m the crazy chick?
It kind of makes sense, if you think about it… An orgasm is one of the most powerful releases the human body can go through. You feel it throughout your body, and for a moment there’s only that huge, world-shattering experience. It makes sense that that might bring up some other reactions, like laughing or crying. Not every orgasm is as pretty as the pornos make it seem.
It’s not an insult to him—it’s a compliment. If my finish is so intense that it brings me to tears, he did a damn good job. It only ever happens after amazing orgasms, and usually, it’s not the first of the night. A lot of guys think it’s because they messed up or they hurt me, but really it’s just that it was so good.
I’m not the only one—even guys do it. While most reports of crying after orgasms come from women, it’s true that many men experience the same reaction. The lower statistic is probably partially due to the fact that men are more hesitant to admit to crying after orgasming. They’re more likely to be embarrassed. I have yet to have my partner crygasm on me, but I’m holding out hope to find a man who will sob violently with me.
It’s not necessarily an emotional reaction. Sometimes, it feels like the overwhelming release of an orgasm has also pulled out some untended emotions from deep within me, and for a moment I can’t control my tearful reaction. But sometimes it has nothing to do with buried thoughts. Sometimes it’s just violent crying for no reason. I don’t cry because of some past trauma, either, so why do I do it?
No one can really explain it. There have been several studies done on why people—women in particular—cry after an orgasm. Some say that it’s because of the release and all of the hormones running rampant in the brain. Others say it could be due to past trauma or even a sign of PTSD. And some say it’s simply a thing that happens and should be approached differently on a case-to-case basis. Who can say?
It’s not the end of the world. Regardless of why it happens, I’ll continue to cry after an amazing orgasm and so will many others. I really don’t think it’s too much to worry about, and with the right partner at my side, I know they won’t mind.
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