Contrary to popular belief, not every guy loves getting head. It may be hard to find a guy whose eyes don’t sparkle at the thought of a woman going down on him, but they do exist — trust me, I know because I dated a guy who didn’t like receiving oral sex.
It was weird.
There’s really no other way to put it. It wasn’t something I’d ever experienced before and I didn’t know how to handle it. He claimed that he didn’t see the hype of oral sex, which I respected, even though it still baffled me. Had he just never had a mind-blowing oral sex? Had he not really tried it much? Would he change his mind?
I felt I was cutting his pleasure in half.
Guys I’d dated before him loved receiving oral and it had become an important part of sex for us. With this guy, it felt like not giving him oral meant I was decreasing his sexual pleasure in a big way.
It made me feel inadequate.
He did let me go down on him once, but he just wasn’t into it. Then I regretted having suggested it. Not to make it about me, but I started feeling really inadequate and like I just couldn’t satisfy the guy. I couldn’t help but think that maybe if I’d done a better job or used a technique he liked, I’d have changed his mind. It was horrible and my confidence took a beating.
I feared someone else would change his mind.
From thinking I couldn’t satisfy him, I then worried that the next woman he dated would be able to. Which totally sucked. I was still stuck on the idea that every guy would love getting oral and it just depended on how well the woman gave it to him. That’s total BS, actually.
It wasn’t just his problem.
Although he promised me time and time again that he was just not into the act of sex and it wasn’t about me, it did have a bad consequence for our relationship: he wasn’t into getting head, so he wasn’t into giving oral either. Major bummer. I felt like if I had to request that he go down on me, it would be selfish, so I didn’t.
Foreplay felt like less fun.
When I think of foreplay, I think of things like kissing, touching, rubbing up against each other, but definitely — definitely — oral sex. Without that in the picture, foreplay felt a lot less thrilling. I can’t help it, it’s how I felt.
It was all about the main event of sex.
Since he wasn’t into oral sex, he seemed to be even more into penetrative sex. That’s fine and all, but honestly, foreplay can be so much more fun than regular sex, in which it’s not always easy for women to reach orgasm. Sometimes it felt like he was just after penetrative sex for his own pleasure.
We were on different pages.
Although our relationship was in a good place, it was clear that we were totally different when it came to matters of the bedroom. We had different ideas of pleasure, which resulted in me not being as satisfied as I could have been. It made me realize how important it is to be sexually compatible in a relationship and to choose a partner who cares about my sexual pleasure.
It taught me about the BS advice that’s out there.
I’d fallen into the trap of thinking that a woman should have loads of oral sex techniques up her sleeve if she’s to keep her guy satisfied. I read loads of sex articles to try to boost my confidence and change his mind about oral sex. But the problem wasn’t me, as hard as it was to grasp this fact. Besides, it’s ridiculous to base self-worth on an act of sex!
However, it was a relief to later date a guy who was into it.
My relationship with this guy who didn’t like oral ended after about a year because we grew in different ways. When I dated another guy after a while of being single, I must be honest in saying that it was a relief that he liked oral sex. It meant that there’d be less pressure and we could enjoy so much more of each other in the bedroom without so many limitations.
I love oral sex.
In my opinion, there’s nothing more intimate than giving or receiving oral sex. It’s one thing to have penetrative sex, but to go down on someone’s most private place with your mouth is a whole other level of intimacy. It’s also really naughty and sexy, which can make sex so much more intense. Not having or receiving oral sex with that guy I dated showed me just how important it is as part of a healthy sex life, and I won’t deny myself of it in future.
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