I Dated A Guy Who Would Only Have Sex With Me While Watching Porn

I’m no prude when it comes to watching porn—I watch it myself and I encourage others to. And while there’s something extra hot about watching it with a partner, I’ve learned from experience that too much of a good thing can turn a relationship bad. Here’s what happened when I dated a guy who would only sleep with me while watching porn:

When he brought up watching porn, I wasn’t fazed. Granted, his opening line on our first date wasn’t, “So, how much porn do you think you watch a week on average?” We didn’t even talk about watching it (or anything sexual, actually) on our first date. But these initial interactions with people can be misleading; everyone is on their best behavior and sometimes red flags are hard to spot. He did bring up watching porn on our second date, once we were infinitely more comfortable with one another and talking about, um, naughtier stuff. It didn’t catch me off guard considering the topic at hand and I truthfully told him that watch all kinds myself, including more fetishized stuff like BDSM.

I definitely got the feeling he was impressed by me. He seemed immediately excited by my response, but what guy wouldn’t be? I assumed most girls he had dated in the past were kind of skeeved out by porn, and I felt instantly cool, which is embarrassing looking back on it. Now I know that my honest answer was more like a test I had to pass.

It didn’t surprise me when he suggested watching porn in the bedroom. Considering the conversation we just had over dinner, I wasn’t surprised or offended when he asked if we could turn on porn during foreplay. Truthfully? It was hot and we both had an incredible time. We agreed to meet up again for another date and post-date fun a few days later.

As he persisted, I made excuses to myself. Weeks later, we were having sex consistently a few times a week. And every time, the porn went on as soon as we were engaging in foreplay and it didn’t go off until we were finished. Rather than confront it as a problem or something that offended me, I told myself it was our “thing” to bring watching porn into the bedroom.

I wanted to keep up appearances as “the cool girl.” Even once I came to the terms with the fact that the porn was getting a little weird and concerning me, I couldn’t bring myself to mention it to him. It wasn’t even that the sex was so good I couldn’t risk ending it (because *cough* that wasn’t the case), it was that I didn’t want to look lame. I thought back to that second date when I told him I liked watching porn, the impressed look in his eye and how I felt too damn cool. I was nervous that if I asked him to turn it off that I would lose my cool persona with this guy.

When I did ask him to turn it off, he dodged it. After a little over a month of having sex to the “oohs” and “ahhs” of adult industry stars, I’d finally had enough. But when I asked my new guy if we could turn the movie off so we could focus on each other, he just kissed my neck and muttered, “But it’s so hot.” My second attempt to ask he avoided it by saying, “I thought you liked watching porn?” Yes, it was as annoying and manipulative as it sounds.

Despite the situation, I wanted to see if the relationship was salvageable. At this point, I was more frustrated than I had ever been in a causal relationship but it didn’t damper what I thought could’ve been a decent relationship. The sex was good and outside of the bedroom, he was this funny, charming, smart guy. I thought if I could clear up that I wasn’t crazy about this little “thing” we had going, he could become the all-around perfect guy for me. Clearly, I was ignoring the fact that he diverted me when I asked him twice to turn the porn off.

I tried asking outside of the bedroom. To my credit, I had learned from striking out two times that asking in middle of sexy foreplay wasn’t going to work. So, on our next dinner date, I brought up the fact that we had been sleeping together for a month and a half, every single time with persisted on in the background. When he didn’t seem to get what I was saying, I was honest; I told him while I enjoy watching porn, I wanted to try having sex without it on. His response took me completely off-guard. This funny, charming, smart guy got insanely defensive, telling me I was a “prude” and that I should be “ashamed of myself for criticizing how he gets off.” Needless to say, I ended the date (and relationship) right there, leaving him with the bill.

There’s nothing wrong with being vocal with your partner early on. Now that I reflect back, I knew a week into having sex with this man that the constant watching porn weirded me out, but I didn’t want to ruin a potentially great relationship with honesty. In the future, I’ll never hold back an honest sexual request again, because how my partner reacts will show me their true colors. And you know what they say about people showing their true colors, believe them when they do.

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