When I started dating a conventionally gorgeous man, I thought I’d hit the jackpot. In reality, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Even though we had a great relationship and he was lovely in more ways than his appearance, we didn’t make it past the six-month mark. Here’s why dating a cute guy is actually a nightmare.
Everyone thinks you’re punching above your weight. The first thing I noticed was how people started treating me differently. It was almost as if they were suspicious of me, as if the only explanation for my relationship was that I was dishonest or cheating the system. Eventually, I realized that they didn’t think I was attractive enough to be his girlfriend. When people think you’re dating out of your league, they treat you like you’ve done something immoral.
People stare at him constantly. As a person of average physical attractiveness, I was not prepared for the amount of attention that hot people get. Everywhere we went, people looked at us. It was like he was a celebrity. When you see someone attractive, there’s an involuntary reaction to stare. You can’t help it. While I understood that this was a natural tendency, I started to feel like we were under a microscope, and it made me uncomfortable.
You still have all the issues other couples have. This sounds obvious, but dating a hot person isn’t a guarantee that your relationship will be good. You still fight and have miscommunications and let each other down. You still see each other’s weaknesses and flaws. You still have to decide if you’re compatible. Nothing was different about our relationship except for how other people reacted to it.
You stop seeing his beauty eventually. When you’ve been looking at the same person every day for months, you start to lose perspective. While I was constantly stunned by his beauty at the beginning of our relationship, I eventually stopped seeing it. When I looked at him, I’d just see…him. I was constantly reminded by other people of how gorgeous he was, but as far as I was concerned, his attractiveness was confined to his personality and the happy moments we shared, just as it is with every other partner I’ve had.
People will hit on him. I could get over all the strangers staring at him and treating me like I was invisible, but the part that really got to me, in the end, was how often people flirted with him. Everywhere we went, women (and a few men) would be all over him. It was as if I didn’t exist. They seemed to think that because I wasn’t as physically attractive as him, he must be on the lookout for a better option.
More downsides of dating a cute guy
You get imposter syndrome. All the overt flirting that people did in front of me made me feel like they might be right: I didn’t belong with him. He deserved a girlfriend who was exactly as attractive as him. I started feeling resentful even though I knew it wasn’t his fault and that I wasn’t forcing him to be with me. I felt like I wasn’t worthy of him, and over time, I began to push him away.
You need constant affirmation. When you date someone so attractive that other people treat you like an imposter, you will need a lot of affirmation from your partner to convince you that they actually want to be with you. I’m not an insecure person usually, but with him, I was exhausted by my feelings of inadequacy. I almost wished he’d break up with me just to confirm my suspicions that he didn’t actually want to be with me. To his credit, he was patient and supportive, but everyone has a limit.
It’s hard not to be jealous. You will inevitably compare yourself with the women who flirt with him. You’ll see how beautiful and accomplished they are and think, “Why isn’t he with her?!” You might even reach rock bottom with your self-esteem and feel certain that he’s cheating on you. I got embarrassingly suspicious of one of his colleagues, only to find out after we’d broken up that she was gay. Suffice it to say, I became the least attractive version of myself during our relationship. The irony is not lost on me.
Even your friends will be weird around him. Your friends are only human. They are just as susceptible to beauty as the next person, and they will not be immune to the incredibly cute guy you introduce them to, whether he’s your boyfriend or not. Luckily, they’ll lose objectivity at some point, too. My friends started acting normal around my partner a couple of months in.
Rediscovering your self-worth
After breaking up with him, I had a lot of mental and emotional baggage to sort through. We wouldn’t have lasted even if he hadn’t been drop-dead gorgeous, but I still had issues to resolve. I had let my self-worth fall apart because of how strangers perceived me. In the months after our breakup, I had to remember where my value actually comes from:
It comes from within. As cheesy as it sounds, self-worth comes from within. If you don’t recognize it in yourself, it doesn’t matter how much positive affirmation you get from those around you–you will never see it. Recognizing your value starts with knowing yourself, being comfortable with your imperfections, and acknowledging the things you still have to work on.
It has nothing to do with looks. Seeing how people treated my boyfriend like royalty because of his beauty skewed my understanding of what worth actually was. I started thinking that it was all about appearance and decided I wasn’t attractive enough to be liked. I tried to change myself to fit some societal definition of attractiveness, but it never felt authentic. If only I’d remembered that I loved my partner despite his beauty, not because of it. Maybe I would have applied that truth to myself.
Other people should not dictate it. Your worth has nothing (I repeat: nothing) to do with how you look, who you’re dating, what your job is, or what other people think of you. It’s only human to compare yourself to others, but keep your self-judgment out of it. You are on your own path. Everyone else is on theirs. You cannot judge your worth based on other people. When you realize this, you will feel a weight lift from your shoulders.
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