I’m So Disillusioned By Dating That I Might Not Recognize The Right Guy When I Meet Him

Even though I’ve dealt with way too much crap in my dating life, I still haven’t resigned myself to the idea of being single forever. I’m still hoping to meet that special guy someday, but admittedly, I wonder if it’ll ever happen. After all the jerks I’ve dated, this is why I have to wonder if I’ll even realize I have a great guy standing right in front of me if he ever does come along:

I’m focused on my own life.

Dating isn’t my priority. The right guy could probably stand right in front of me waving his arms and yelling and I wouldn’t see him. I have so much that I want to accomplish, and there’s only so much time in the day. I never have enough time to get everything done, let alone date someone. I’m hyper-focused on being the best person I can become.

I have a lot to get done.

It’s bad enough that I always try to take on so much at once. I want to be Superwoman, and I probably need a reality check. I barely pay attention to the men I meet anymore because I always have my mind elsewhere — and frankly, I’m so used to be disappointed that I don’t really want to waste any more time. It’ll be hard to notice a great guy if I’m not paying attention.

I’m lazy about dating.

Yeah, I get lonely and I get horny. It’s only natural. When I really think about it, though, dating seems like a lot of effort. I don’t want to go through a bunch of guys who aren’t right for me to find a good one. It’s easier to stay single and just do my own thing.

I tend to relax most around guys I don’t dig.

This leads to a vicious cycle of men who I’m not interested in becoming interested in me. I’m not good at being myself with guys that I actually want to date. I’m afraid that even if I meet the right guy, I’ll be too nervous and weird to catch his attention. Conversely, maybe I just don’t recognize the kind of guy I should be dating. Maybe it’s one of those guys I’m not into at first. I feel like I’ll never win here.

I’m attracted to what I can’t have.

If he’s unavailable, then I want him. I think that’s how I protect myself from vulnerability in some screwed up way. It’s safe to like a guy who’s taken or not the right fit because I’ll never have to actually deal with it. I’m worried that when a great and totally available guy comes my way, I’ll be too focused on Mr. Wrong to notice.

My standards are too high.

I’ll say it: I can be really superficial. I probably haven’t given enough good guys a chance in the past because I wasn’t immediately attracted to them. How’s that working out for me? Not so well. Obviously none of the men I’ve chosen have become my forever partner. I’m determined to have this spark, this immediate chemistry that often means nothing in the long term.

My hangups get in the way.

I finally know what I want, but now the problem is that I don’t think I deserve him. I’m trying to build my self-confidence and know that I’m worthy, but I’ll probably let every great guy I want get away. I’ll be too shy and scared of rejection to tell them how I feel.

My interest in men has plummeted.

It’s weird, because I’ve always been so boy-crazy. I changed a lot over the past couple of years, and I’m more focused on growing myself as a person. I’m not so worried about who I’m dating or not dating. Because I’m not paying men any mind, any guy is going to have to try really hard to get on my radar.

It takes a lot to get to know me.

Don’t get me wrong — I’m as friendly as they come. Getting down to the root of who I am, though? That’s a different story. I can converse with a complete stranger for hours, and they’ll know all about me, but they won’t really know me. I’m a tough nut to crack, and I know it. I shut most men down before they get even close.

I’m terrified of being hurt again.

I don’t do well with breakups. Even when they’re a long time coming, I tend to fall apart. I know that part of the reason I’m choosing not to engage with men right now is that I’m just over the pain and the trouble and the heartache. I’m worried that when I meet a wonderful guy, I won’t know he’s the right one because I’m too busy protecting myself.

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