I’m Done Trying To Be Someone I’m Not—The Right Guy Will Think I’m Good As-Is

We can’t blame ourselves for wanting a Prince Charming who loves us for exactly who we are—it’s the ultimate romantic fairytale that we’ve been fed since we first started to read. I may be more experienced in love now, but I still believe in a guy that loves me for me. After all, a guy that wants to change me isn’t worth my time.

Wanting to be loved just as you are feels like the oldest cliche in the book. How realistic is it that I’m going to find a man who loves every aspect of my personality, even the part that gets cranky when it’s tired and can’t sit still until it’s eaten? The thing is, I’ve tried being the girlfriend other guys want and it’s exhausting. I need a man who wants me for who I am when I’m totally myself.

Why do we feel the need to put on an act when we’re in a relationship? I’d never put as much effort into being a great friend or employee as I do to being a top girlfriend. If it isn’t happening naturally, why are we forcing it? Instead of waiting for a love that’s right for us, we change as much of our personality as we can to make ourselves attractive to guys who will never make us happy.

If I’m mad at him, I want to be mad at him. A relationship is between two equals, which means I can be moody, mad and uncooperative if that’s how I’m really feeling. I don’t want to have to tiptoe around his feelings for the sake of our relationship—the right guy will listen to me when I’m mad as well as when I sing his praises.

I don’t know what’s more exhausting, acting the part or looking it. It’s not just about being meek and mild—I’m pretty sure the perfect girlfriend would shave her legs regularly and change out of sweatpants when her boyfriend comes over. If there’s one thing I hate more than putting on an act, it’s having to dress to fit what I think someone wants. Either he loves me in my holey leggings or this isn’t going to work long-term.

I’m going to have to reveal my true personality at some point, so why not now? Being the perfect girlfriend is one of the few skills that actually gets harder with time, as you have to conceal more and more of your personality as you get to know someone better. I’m never going to be able to keep up that level of deception for life, so why don’t we get everything out in the open early on?

My relationship should make me happy, not stifle who I really am. It sounds obvious, but if I’m having to hide who I truly am to make a relationship work, this guy is not my forever person. My relationship should boost me up and make me feel awesome in my own skin. If I find myself having to suppress who I am, something’s gone really badly wrong.

I’d never expect my date to hide his true self—what’s the point in a relationship like that? It’s not all about me here—if I’m putting on a huge front to be somebody I’m not, how do I know the guy I’m with isn’t doing the exact same thing? We both deserve a relationship where we can be our authentic selves and if that means being with different people, that’s just fine.

I’m not interested in being “wife material.” What’s the point in trying to be seen as the perfect girlfriend? Any guy who labels a woman as “wife material” should be avoided at all costs anyway—what they mean by that is someone who’ll cook them dinner and iron their shirts, all while letting them watch the game in peace. I want someone who wants me for my awesome personality, not my self-restraint.

I don’t need him to be blind to my flaws but I do need him to accept them. I’m not such a hopeless romantic as to think that I’ll find someone who can’t see my flaws, but I do believe there’s someone out there who won’t care about them. Being in a relationship is about showing your true self and then loving each other anyway. If I’m having to conceal aspects of my personality, it’s never going to work.

I’ll wait for someone who loves me for me. Trying to be someone you’re not is exhausting and it never leads to long-term happiness. The real you is dying to burst out at some point, so I’m going to let her shine from the beginning. I figure this way, I’m far more likely to meet someone who’s truly right for me. I deserve to be loved for who I am, and so does my partner. I won’t settle for any less.

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