I’ve been dating for more than a decade and I know myself well enough to know that I’m straight. I’m strictly attracted to men—I’ve even been married to one for the past three years!—so why am I constantly thinking about the dream I had recently about having sex with a woman?
The night before the dream, I turned down sex from my husband. He kissed me and gave me “that” look, complete with a suggestive smile and that light stroke on my arm. He was ready to go but I was tired. My husband is always up for a quickie, but I need more time and space for sex to be worth it for me. I told him I wasn’t feeling it and rolled over to go to sleep.
The dream was hot as hell and felt so real. I woke up sweating and out of breath. I looked around the room for the woman I was making love to in my dreams. I knew she wasn’t real but I was seriously hoping she was. If she’d been right there in the room with me, I would have grabbed her and kissed her passionately without a second thought.
Sex with my husband has never been like that. I won’t lie, the sensations that I felt during my dream are ones I’ve never felt before in my waking life with any man, including my husband. A first sexual encounter is exciting! All the barriers break down and you surrender yourself to the experience, and I surrendered myself to this dream for sure! I missed the feeling immediately when I woke up and I haven’t stopped missing it.
I’ve never even kissed a girl so I have no idea where the dream came from. Most of my friends have hilarious stories about “experimenting” in college and almost every woman I know has at least kissed another woman. Many of my closest friends are lesbians and in wonderful supportive relationships with other women and to be honest, sometimes I wonder what it must be like to hold another woman. Secretly, I know I want to try it but I’m married and I don’t want to cheat on my husband.
I was scarily comfortable with the woman in my dreams. Like most women, I have parts of my body that I don’t like and consequently, I become extremely self-conscious in sexual situations. If a hand comes anywhere near my belly, I reflexively suck it in, but in my dream, all my inhibitions were gone. I wasn’t ashamed of any soft spots or flaws. I existed in that experience 100% and didn’t even think of my flaws and imperfections. I’ve never been with a woman but I suspect I’d be more comfortable with one.
I struggle to get in the mood sometimes but that wasn’t a problem here. Sometimes I do want to jump my husband’s proverbial bones—I married him, so I’m obviously attracted to him… but sometimes I’m not. When you’re with the same person for a long time, even little things (like his gum chewing!) can be a turn-off. That’s what happens and that’s one of the reasons relationships require work, which I’m happy to put in. However, it was amazing how effortless it was to get into it with the woman in my dreams.
Morning sex is the worst, but I would have had it with her. I’ll admit that morning sex is hard for me. Waking up and going at it with my husband isn’t how I like to start my day. My breath stinks, I feel gross, and I want a shower first. My husband, on the other hand, usually wants it as soon as we open our eyes. I don’t think most women wake up ready to roll the way most men do, but if my mystery woman had been there next to me, we’d have had morning sex for sure!
I haven’t told my husband about my dream yet. Intimacy in every relationship has its challenges. Years of marriage can snuff out that spark that was there in the beginning, but it’s important to work on building and growing that intimacy, even if that means opening yourself up to new experiences. I haven’t felt comfortable discussing my dream with my husband yet or exploring what it means, but I want to get to a place where I feel I can.
I regret not experimenting more earlier in life. It’s true. There are new things I want to try, I just need to work up a little more courage. I worry that my husband will feel threatened and that he’ll pull away because of new curiosity and desires. Maybe I’ll ask him if he’s willing to try a threesome. That way, it wouldn’t be cheating.
Everyone has fantasies, so I know ultimately it’s no big deal. It’s how we chose to act on them that matters. I can’t help what I dreamt, but the fact that it’s turned into a major fantasy is totally in my control, so it’s only fair that I talk about it with my husband.
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