While it makes sense that we want to be physically attracted to the people we date, but there’s a thin line between appreciating aesthetics and being downright shallow. The latter is an epidemic, and it’s ruining opportunities for true love in so many ways.

People accentuate the aspect of themselves that society cares about most. This is a harmful trend at the moment because people are praised more often for having a nice body than for having a beautiful soul. Therefore, people are striving hard to gain the perfect body while neglecting other crucial aspects of themselves. When you think of it that way, it makes total sense that the world is filling up with narcissists who can spend two hours a day at the gym but struggle to find time to read about what’s important in the world or write poetry about peace.

When society fills up with good-looking narcissists, chaos ensues. When filling an environment with people of differing personalities, some of them have to be kind and gentle, or you’ll have chaos on your hands. Now you know why dating is such chaos nowadays. There will always be jerks, but they should at least be spread thin in a crowd of mostly nice people in order to achieve balance.

Good people don’t stand a chance sometimes if they don’t pass the first-glance test. I’m pretty sure, at some point in history, mates and spouses were chosen based (at least partially) on their character, moral fiber and generosity. Not anymore. In a lot of cases, it’s decided at first glance whether someone has a chance romantically or not. That’s not only detrimental to the one being prejudged; it’s unfair to the one judging as well because they’re limiting themselves to only people they deem as socially acceptable and passing on the opportunity to meet some seriously admirable characters.

People forget that personality and character are a huge part of attraction. I’ve been attracted to guys who didn’t exactly crank my engine at first sight just because I discovered that they had awesome personalities, and I’ve also been repulsed by dudes who are conventionally attractive after discovering that they weren’t good inside. It’s actually pretty common, so it’s worth getting to know people rather than attempting to judge a book by its cover.

There’s too much emphasis on what everyone will think. One of the biggest aspects of the shallowness problem is that it comes straight from the old adage of keeping up with the Joneses. Instead of wanting to have the newest car, home or cell phone, people compete to have the most physically attractive mate to show off as a trophy. That’s fine as long as you’re also choosing that person based on personality. After all, it doesn’t matter what everyone will think about your relationship; all that matters is that you’re happy, and true happiness comes from the spiritual connection rather than appearance.

Sensitive people can only take so much rejection before they stop trying. Some of the best people you’ll ever meet are the ones who don’t stick out immediately as attractive or attention-getting, and they’re usually the ones who are already sensitive about it because they’ve been abandoned in favor of someone who is. The more rejection they face, the harder it gets to continue trying, and they can withdraw from the world (believe me, that’s a loss to the world).

It’s OK to want to be with someone you’re attracted to. Everyone wants to be with someone they’re attracted to, but that person isn’t always the one who looks like a model. As long as you’re getting to know them and then making your call based on more than just initial physical appearance, you’re being fair.

It’s not too late to make this world more loving and accepting. I’m not saying that you need to date every person seriously before deciding whether you like them, but you should at least get to know their personality (even just as a friend) before writing them off completely. Sometimes, the best gifts are hidden inside imperfect packaging.

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