How Growing Out My Pubes Changed My Sex Life

While it wasn’t easy to buck society’s expectations about how a woman’s vagina should look, growing out my pubes ultimately helped me reach a new level of self-acceptance and even self-love, and sex and my life in general are way better because of it.

I’d abused my vagina for too long and it was time for a break. I decided to grow out my pubes because frankly, my vulva was begging me to. I’d been viciously hacking away at the skin on my vulva since I started having sex and I needed to chill. I had to relearn and relove an entire part of my body in order to feel both comfortable and sexy when getting it on.

Not being hairless made me feel ugly at first. Before my first sexual encounter, the only vulvas I’d seen were in porn. So of course they were smooth, hairless, and rash-free. After I discovered that I’m a raging bisexual, I got to see vulvas in real life, and while they weren’t always smooth and rash-free, they were all pretty much hairless. When I decided to grow out my pubes, I struggled with feelings of disgust and doubt over the state of my genitals that took a long time to go away.

I worried that my sexual partners wouldn’t be into it. For the first couple of times, sex with pubes was pretty terrifying. I’d just gotten out of a relationship, so my sex life wasn’t just with one person anymore. Each time I went to have sex, I’d panic. Should I mention I don’t shave? Will they mention it? What if they do shave and it’s uncomfortable for them because I don’t? Instead of simply letting myself over to it, I was always trying to control sex so that my vulva was seen as little as possible. I had to accept that my partners wouldn’t think differently of me or be less attracted to me because of my bush. Easier said than done, of course.

I got to try out new hairstyles, which made going into sex a lot more exciting. I’m pretty settled in how I maintain my bush right now, but after I got over hating the fact that I wasn’t shaving, I got to treat my hair down there like my hair on my head. You know how getting a haircut (that you like) makes you feel like you’ve got your act together? Well, in the bedroom, going into sex with a new pube style turned out to be a serious confidence booster.

I wondered why hair on women was such a bad thing. Because I was crippled by insecurity for so long when I first stopped shaving—yes, even though it clearly didn’t mean that no one was ever going to want to have sex with ever again—it took a lot of soul-searching and self-reflection to come to the conclusion that body hair really is no big deal and that anyone who has a problem with it needs to grow the hell up. Realizing that made me love myself so much more.

Ironically, no one even cared. No one worth having sex with cared about the lack or abundance of hair down there because they wanted to have sex with me. Sex is a pretty awesome thing, so coming across someone that would turn down sex because there’s a bit of hair minding its own business above a perfectly good vagina is friggin’ nuts. Sex became way more liberating from that point on.

The only thing that was even slightly affected was oral sex. Even then, it wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought it would be. Yeah, it’s different to put your mouth on a tuft of hair, but most of my partners didn’t seem to mind. Sex is never going to be perfect and my preconception that it shouldn’t be awkward, messy, mildly uncomfortable and totally ridiculous at times meant that I would so often miss out on, like, actually enjoying it. No more!

It made me confront a lot of issues I had about sex. Sex is a tricky thing, and it’s a particularly tricky thing for me because I have a load of unfun and crippling trauma related to it. Growing out my pubes was incredible as it actually forced me to engage with the way I was having sex and how I was letting my self-doubt control my sex life.

Sex is meant to be fun, and it still is, bush and all. It’s not meant to cause fear or be panic-inducing. You don’t have to jump through hoops in order to hit the correct beauty standards before you’re allowed to have good sex. It took me a freakin’ long time to understand that, and growing out my pubes massively helped me get there.

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