We all know how it feels to be overlooked or under-appreciated by someone we’re secretly in love with. Here’s what to do when you want to show a guy exactly what he missed out on because yes, it’s possible to make him miss you even though you were never his to begin with.
Don’t bother trying.
I could easily sit here and tell you how to post strategic thirst traps on social media and ignore his texts, but who are we kidding? All those things accomplish is the perpetuation of your emotional involvement with someone who clearly doesn’t deserve your carefully calculated vengeance. So here’s what you do: absolutely nothing. Be glad that he’s not in your life, and move on with yours.
Reconnect with your true passions.
While you may still be simmering over his rejection or whatever missed opportunity he represents for you, all the emotion you feel is misdirected. He isn’t the reason you wake up in the morning. He isn’t the one true goal of your life. He isn’t the thing that lifts you to your greatest potential. Your life is so much bigger than your relationship with him, and your passions extend beyond him. Identify the things that bring you joy and excitement outside of romantic relationships, and pursue them with all the energy you’ve devoted to him.
Take a break from social media.
Social media is the battleground on which past relationship wars are fought. And you may think you’re gaining the upper hand by posting sexy vacation selfies or photos with a new man, but all you’re proving is that you are still desperate for your previous crush’s attention. You’re above all of this. Ignore his social media, and consider deleting or logging off yours entirely. You may not recognize it now, but trust me, he’s not worth it.
Become a self-love cliché.
We all know the slogans about being your own true love and the need to love yourself before anyone else. And yes, they’re clichés, but they also have a point that a lot of us ignore because it’s inconvenient: Loving yourself is absolutely fundamental to lasting happiness. It takes effort and is a literally endless process that can’t be communicated in a punchy sentence on the cover of a self-help book. But it’s a much more attractive option than wasting your life trying to subtly convince a guy you’ve never dated to wish he’d asked you out when he had the chance.
Delete his number.
If you absolutely must do something that directly relates to him, let it be the erasure of his contact information from your life. Email, phone number, address, carrier pigeon coordinates, everything. Feeling a desperate compulsion to make him jealous of your new life clearly indicates the necessity of taking drastic action and removing the option altogether. You’ll thank yourself later.
Spell it out.
Try writing down all the reasons you feel the need to make him miss you. This may seem like a silly exercise, but I promise you, the silliness of the action will pale in comparison to the things you actually end up putting down. Once you see the insanity of your intentions in black and white, you’ll think twice before attempting to follow through with your goal of making him jealous.
There’s always therapy.
Rejection sucks, no matter how well-adjusted you are. But your need to make him regret his actions and wish he had you may indicate deeper issues within yourself. If you can’t let go of your resentment towards him, maybe it’s time to seek professional help and figure out what he represents for you.
Develop healthier habits.
You might think that your thoughts about him are out of your control, but you’re just fooling yourself. You’ve developed an unhealthy thought pattern, and every time you succumb to thinking about him, you reinforce it. Instead, try developing other thought patterns–strategize your future, think about all the places you want to travel in the next five years, or, if you absolutely must think about men, think about your ideal partner rather than the disappointing almost-partners of the past.
Reboot your life in your own image.
Most tactics for making a guy miss you involve changing yourself in ways that you think would make you more desirable in his eyes. Obviously, this approach is self-destructive because it automatically gives power to your idea of him, rather than to yourself. He does not deserve this power. This is your life, and you deserve to be the person you actually want to be. Stop changing yourself to suit some phantom idea of who you think he might want you to be, and choose for yourself.
Allow chance to take the lead.
Often, our inability to let go of a person comes from a need for control. We want to be the drivers of our lives, and have a hard time imagining a future that we haven’t planned. But holding onto the idea of “what could have been” only perpetuates a feeling of helplessness and loss. Once you realize that you don’t have to be in control of every aspect of your life, you will be free to meet chance encounters as opportunities. Let go of what you thought you wanted, and be open to the unexpected. It just might lead you where you want to go.
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