I Married The First Person I Ever Dated And I Don’t Regret It

I’m 29 and I’m very happily married. That’s not necessarily remarkable or out of the ordinary. There’s just one thing: I just so happened to marry the first and only person I ever dated. Being together for the rest of our lives was the only future either of us could have imagined. So, it seemed natural that we would end up saying “I do.” It’s totally normal for us, but the fact that I married my first love seems to be a major talking point for a lot of people. Here’s why I don’t regret it, as well as the answer to some questions I get asked a lot.

Why I don’t regret having married my first love

I get the for a lot of people, the idea of marrying their first love is not at all attractive. Most people want to play the field, explore their options, etc. I didn’t do any of that, but I also don’t regret it. Here’s why.

  1. We basically grew up together. My partner and I started dating when we were both teenagers. In essence, we grew up together over the course of our relationship. We graduated high school together, went through college, got our first jobs, and moved into our own place. Having someone there to navigate these major changes made our bond even stronger.
  2. No one understands me like her and vice versa. Because we’ve been together for so long, my partner and I have a deep understanding of each other’s personalities, values, and beliefs. This has allowed us to build a strong foundation of trust and respect in our relationship. We’re completely and utterly in tune and it’s so comforting. Knowing that someone just gets me the way she does is invaluable.
  3. We’ve been through some really major life events together. Over the course of our relationship, my partner and I have been through some serious sh*t, both individually and as a couple. Between losing family members, experiencing health issues, work challenges, etc., a lot has happened over the years. These experiences were really tough, but they made us more resilient as a couple.
  4. We want the same things in life. My partner and I share many of the same goals and values, which has allowed us to build a life together that is fulfilling and meaningful to both of us. We agree on all the big stuff — where we want to live (in a suburb close to a city), whether we want a family (definitely!), and pretty much everything else. Neither of us has to compromise anything we want for the other because we want the same things.
  5. We have a strong emotional connection. Our emotional connection has always been a strong foundation of our relationship. Even after 14 years together, we still prioritize spending quality time together and making sure we never take each other for granted. The bond we share has always been intense, but I kinda expected it to wane a bit as we got older. I’ve been pleasantly surprised to find that it hasn’t.
  6. We’re incredibly comfortable with each other and totally secure in our connection. Being with someone for so long can bring a sense of comfort and security that can be hard to find in other relationships (at least that’s what it seems like). My partner and I know each other so well that we can be ourselves around each other without fear of judgment or rejection. I know she’s never going to hold who I am against me. She loves me for who I am, not in spite of it. It feels incredible.
  7. We’ve built a life together. My partner and I have built a life together that we’re proud of. We have a great group of friends, excellent careers, a house of our own, and a life that just works for us. If I hadn’t married my first love, I wouldn’t be in such an incredible position.
  8. She gives me everything I could possibly want in a relationship/from a partner. Serioustly, what else could I possibly be looking for? Everything I ever thought I’d want in a partner and in a relationship, I have in her. Marrying her was a no-brainer for me. I’ve never regretted my decision for a day.

Questions people ask me when they find out I’ve never been with anyone else

  1. How did you know that they were “the one”? When you’ve married your first love, this comes up a lot. The truth is pretty cliche: I just knew. It wasn’t something I had to convince myself of or think about. It was almost subconscious. I felt it in my bones.
  2. Don’t you ever wonder what it would be like to be with someone else? Sometimes, sure. But not because I actually want to know what it’s like. I’m really happy in my relationship and I definitely consider my partner to be my soulmate. In fact, I only ever think of it in terms of how lucky I am to not have to still be looking for my person.
  3. Do you feel like you’ve missed out on anything by not dating other peoplePotentially, yes, but nothing good. I married my first love, the only person I ever dated. Given the drama and heartbreak my friends have gone through over the years, I count myself lucky.
  4. What do you think the key to a successful long-term relationship is? I don’t think I’m some kind of relationship expert just because I’m in a happy long-term relationship. So, I never know what to say to this. All I know is that honesty, respect, appreciation, and affection have kept us strong. Beyond that, I don’t know what to say.
  5. How do you maintain a strong emotional connection after so many years together? Again, it’s not all that hard. We just give a damn about our relationship and put the work in to show it. We talk about things when they bother us instead of letting them fester. When I married my first love, I made the commitment to honor and cherish her. That’s what I’m doing.
  6. Do you feel like you’ve grown and changed together over the years? Of course. But we’ve always grown and changed together. We’ve given each other room to become the people we are. That’s made all the difference.
  7. Do you think your relationship would be different if you had dated other people before getting together? I have no idea. Probably. But given that I married the first person I ever dated, it seems pointless to think about this.
  8. How did your families react when they found out you were getting married? Excited but not surprised. They basically expected it to happen. My mom actually asked me what took us so long!
  9. What advice would you give to someone who is considering marrying their first love? This decision isn’t for everyone. Don’t marry your partner if you’re doing it for any other reason than that it feels right.
  10. Do you ever worry about what would happen if something were to happen to your partner, since you’ve never been with anyone else? Not really. We live every day in the moment so we don’t miss a thing. Whatever happens, happens. She’s by my side now, and that’s what matters.
Bolde Voices represents writers from around the world who want to share their stories anonymously. While everything you read is based on personal experience, it's the ability to tell their truths without being identified that allows those behind the pieces you read to be so brutally honest.
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