I Stopped Being A Needy, Paranoid Girlfriend When I Finally Met A Guy Who Treated Me Well

Poor dudes—some women are just needy and paranoid and will make their lives a living hell, right? I admit that I used to be the jealous, paranoid type… that is, until I met a guy who actually treated me well. If a woman is acting super needy or insecure, he should probably take a look at his own behavior.

  1. The idea that some women are just jealous is a total lie. Just as he’d never describe his GF as sad or angry all the time, women aren’t categorized by feelings of jealousy or paranoia. Our moods are formed based on the relationships we’re in and can switch completely depending on the dynamics of the couple. I was a jealous bitch for the majority of the time I was with my first boyfriend, sure, but nothing could be further from the truth in other relationships.
  2. I never realized that my behavior was totally dependent on how my BF behaved. I hated the idea of being jealous—it was such an ugly quality. Over time, though, I’ve come to realize that my jealousy wasn’t a reflection of my personality but of the treatment I received from my BF. If I was jealous, it was only because he was giving me cause to feel that way. In secure relationships, I’ve never worried about my guy’s relationship with someone else.
  3. Dating someone that didn’t care about me made me super needy. When you’re used to someone being disinterested, neediness is an almost knee-jerk reaction. I was so paranoid that my date didn’t want to speak to me or wasn’t thinking about me that I was obsessive about when and how often he contacted me. In hindsight, it’s glaringly obvious that I should have just walked away, but at the time, neediness was my solution.
  4. I wouldn’t be paranoid randomly—my fears were totally legitimate. Nobody can keep up feelings of intense paranoia full time—there are almost always triggers involved. I would never greet my BF feeling angry or randomly become paranoid; it would always be based off some comment he’d let slip or something I’d found out that I didn’t like. When I’ve dated guys that are upfront and honest, those feelings have melted away.
  5. A woman who’s secure in her relationship doesn’t worry about her BF when they’re not together. Newsflash: if a guy is getting texts from his GF every few minutes when they’re not together, it’s not because she’s needy AF, it’s because she doesn’t trust him. Women who are secure in their relationship lead perfectly happy independent lives when they’re not together: it’s the ones who are made to feel worried that will constantly be pressuring him to text back.
  6. If my guy just tells me where he’s going, I won’t be texting him all night. Guys always take it as a personal affront when their GF asks them what they’re up to—but why haven’t they already told us? When I’m in a secure relationship, I don’t stress about where my BF is because he’s already told me himself, and chances are I’ve met lots of the people he’ll be with. When guys start getting secretive about their relationship, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that their GF will be jealous.
  7. Women only become paranoid when communication breaks down. There’s nothing worse than waiting to hear from someone you care about and feeling like they can’t be bothered to get in touch with you. A short text to let me know you’re thinking of me is enough to avoid hours of stressing on my part. When I started dating someone who kept in touch with me because they wanted to instead of me constantly having to harass them, I felt so much more confident in my relationship.
  8. Jealousy doesn’t just spring from nowhere. It’s an old-fashioned saying, but the classic ‘no smoke without fire’ expression still rings true today. It’s extremely rare for a woman to become jealous with absolutely no cause. Even if his relationship with whoever she’s jealous of is totally innocent, it’s his job to make her feel secure, not hers to manage feelings that he’s caused.
  9. If a guy truly cared about his GF, he’d reassure her there was nothing to fear. In a happy relationship, women don’t fear their BF running off into the sunset with someone else, because he’s reassured her that he only has eyes for her. When women are jealous and needy, it’s a sign that their BF has done a crappy job of making them feel loved and appreciated. When guys put the effort in to reassure their GFs that they’re committed, women are far less likely to get jealous.
  10. Finding his girlfriend too clingy is a sign he’s not ready for a mature relationship. In the past, my clingy behavior has always been a sign that the relationship isn’t going to last because the guy clearly wasn’t ready to commit. Now I know that when jealousy strikes, it’s up to him to turn his behavior around or to me to walk away.
Isobel is a freelance blogger and writer for hire specialising in content for millennials who haven't quite got it together yet (i.e. herself). When not glued to her laptop, she enjoys eating cheese, doing yoga and spending time with family and friends.