When I was younger I used to sleep with guys who were only interested in their own orgasm and were completely oblivious to the fact that I often didn’t have one. For a long time, I would simply stop sleeping with a guy if they didn’t make me orgasm within the first three times we had sex. Now I have a new strategy and after some training, my partner can make me orgasm so hard that it hurts, in a good way. They last so long and are so hard that I get cramps after. Here’s how I did it.
Know yourself. This may seem obvious, but first I had to figure out what I like. Even with lots of experience, I wasn’t sure what was just ok, and what really led me to orgasm. So first, I had to learn about myself. Otherwise, how would I be able to tell my partner what I want? The one thing I was sure about, I didn’t want to fake my orgasms anymore.
Research recommended. This might be dorky but I did research. I looked up different types of stimulation and looked into other women’s explanations of what made them orgasm. I even watched videos of women showing their technique while explaining it in full detail. They were a bit strange but totally worth watching because they taught me a lot. Now I was ready for the fun, hands-on research.
Stimulation comes in all shapes and sizes. What I learned was that there are so many types of stimulation it’s overwhelming. No wonder guys often don’t get it right, it’s a guessing game that they only win through trial and error unless you tell them. Some women like clitoral stimulation, some don’t, some only like it near the time of orgasm, some like light pressure, some like lots of pressure, some like labial orbiting stimulation, some feel that’s a waste of time, and the list goes on and on. It is up to you to figure out what works for you, and what to do with the information
Sharing can be awkward. Sometimes speaking up about what you want or need sexually can be embarrassing or just downright awkward. It makes you feel vulnerable and brutally exposed. This is something I struggled with. It was hard for me to voice my needs which is weird because normally I’m very opinionated and am the first to tell people what I think. Somehow this was different though. Admitting that my orgasms could, and should be better was tough. But guess what? Sometimes sex is awkward so I got over it and found my voice.
Feedback can be tricky, be careful. With some partners, you will be able to come right out and tell them what you want and when you want it, like my current partner, but for others, it’s not always that easy. Some guys respond better to subtle suggestions and praise instead of blunt directions. For these types of guys, I found its best not to tell them outright you don’t like something they’re doing. It is easy for them to feel emasculated by it and insulted like somehow they don’t know what they’re doing. Which isn’t necessarily true, it’s just that they can’t read our minds so they can’t possibly know what we like unless we tell them. Everyone is different. Try gentle suggestions at first. In the end, an exceptional orgasm will be all the positive reinforcement your partner needs.
It took time, but not patience. Once you open up to your partner you’re not going to magically have the best orgasms of your life right away, if you do you’re definitely the exception. I spent months determining what works best and getting my partner on board. Then one day it happened, we found the magic combination to my vagina and unlocked longer and more satisfying orgasms. Honestly, I don’t know how I lived so long without figuring this out before.
Hurts so good. Now I have orgasms that actually make me hurt after, in a good way. It feels like my whole reproductive system works so hard to give me the ultimate release that I’m sore after. I get light cramps for a couple minutes and unlike period cramps, I don’t mind. Sometimes I think my partner enjoys it even more than me. He sees it as the ultimate compliment and he is proud of his ability to make me feel so amazing.
It doesn’t always work, relax. This all sounds great and all but don’t stress yourself out if it doesn’t always work. Actually, it’s ok if you don’t orgasm every time, be patient. There are many factors that contribute to having trouble achieving orgasm, for me it was communication. Being able to relax and completely let go of your self-consciousness takes time. Accepting your vulnerability and embracing it is not always easy but the payoff is more than worth it.
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