Part of the stress of dating comes from just overthinking every single thing that happens. You want to come off as this incredibly charming, sexy, put-together woman, and you are — you just can’t figure out if he’s picking up on it or if you’re doing anything to keep that from coming across. Worrying about it is a waste of time, of course. If he’s the right guy for you, it’ll all come naturally.
He’s not looking for your faults. The right guy is going to be making conscious decisions about who he wants to spend time with, which means that if he likes you, he’s not going to be sitting there looking for reasons to run. Sure, some people do this, but they’re usually not ready for real relationships — which means they’re running from commitment, not from your single bad joke.
You’re going to be in the moment… at least a bit. When you’re with the right guy you should be enjoying yourself to some extent and maybe even — gasp! — not thinking about every move you make before you make it. The right person might still be frighteningly attractive and have you freaking out inside with how much you like them, but there has to be a level of comfort that makes it feel like something is actually there.
It’s impossible to do everything right with the wrong person. If someone isn’t interested in being with you or staying with you, it’s going to be impossible to make them stick around anyway, so don’t bend over backwards trying to fit a mold that you never will. Perhaps you will get them to stick around for a while, but if takes convincing, it’s for the wrong reasons. Don’t trick yourself into believing that someone has feelings for you simply based on the fact that they’re having sex with you.
You just can’t give away your power like that. There’s a big difference between give and take in any kind of relationship and handing everything over. You might be willing to give someone a ride, but you don’t need to give them your car, right? Right. Sometimes we think giving and being available means we’re making an effort, but if it goes too far we don’t have anything left of our own, we become boring half-people without the conviction to claim what we want in life.
The “bad” stuff about you is still you. For example — say that you’re chronically late and afraid someone won’t like you for it. It’s not a trait that you can hide for long, so the options are to just own the behavior or change it. If you’re just a late person for life and someone leaves you for it, so be it. What someone thinks about your time keeping habits is their business.
You’ll naturally do right. If you’re being yourself when you’re dating than, you’re already doing great. No one does everything right all the time, but if your natural inclination is to be a decent human and not to ruin lives everywhere you go then you’re probably doing even better than you think. If you wouldn’t dump him because he has horrible taste in music, he probably won’t dump you over that either. We’re only human.
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