I’m fed up of feeling like I’m too much when all I want to do is show a guy that I care. If he can’t handle me acting like a normal girlfriend then we need to have a serious talk about our relationship and maybe even end it if we aren’t on the same page.
He’s supposed to want to hear from me. If you’re into someone, it should make you happy when that person takes the time to get in touch. I’m happy when I get a text from him or hear his voice! If he thinks that me calling him or texting him once or twice a day is too much, then maybe the problem isn’t the calling or texting. Maybe the problem is us.
Wanting to know what’s up with him is part of dating. It’s called being involved in someone’s life. He’s supposed to want that because relationships are about sharing your life with someone you care about. So no, wanting to have that level of involvement is not “clingy”—it’s what people do when they are dating someone. Is he even ready to date someone if he can’t handle such a basic thing?
I want to be part of his life, so sue me. When I like someone, I want to become part of a team. If he’s not going to let me into his life then why am I ever here? In case he’s wondering, yes, I’m perfectly happy with my own life. I’m not involving myself in his because I’m missing something in mine. What I’ve been missing is a grown-up relationship and being able to share both the good and the bad things in life with someone I like.
It’s called being nice. If I show interest in how my guy’s feeling and what he’s doing, it’s because I care. I want him to be happy and part of helping people I care about be happy is knowing what’s going on in their lives and in their heads. If I was dating someone who didn’t show any interest in my life, I’d be worried, to be honest. Asking people how they’re doing is the nice, polite thing to do.
This is what normal couples do. There, I’ve said it. People in normal relationships interact. They don’t accuse each other of being clingy just for getting in touch on a regular basis. If this feels like too much to him, then either there’s something wrong with our relationship or there’s something wrong with him.
I’m a naturally caring person. I don’t know what his issue is. Maybe his mother was cold or distant when he was growing up. I grew up in a loving, caring family and was taught that if you like someone, you show it. I’m always willing to help out friends, strangers, animals, and people I’m involved with. If that’s too much for him to handle then that’s tough, but I’m not going to become a different person just because he can’t handle me.
It’s not me, it’s him. I totally agree that there’s such a thing as being too needy and clingy. If I were calling and texting 10-20 times a day for the sake of it, then sure, I can see how that would be way too much, especially when we’ve just recently started dating. But since this is really not the case here, I’m left wondering whether he just has a problem dealing with what most guys would find quite normal.
Is it commitment issues? If the thought of being in a relationship scares him then all the stuff that would imply that he’s about to find himself in one are going to freak him out. Maybe he’s looking for something that doesn’t feel like a real relationship so that he can tell himself he can leave at any given point. If it’s all about the sex, then we shouldn’t really bother showing interest in each other’s lives, looking out for each other and generally showing affection, right?
Maybe we don’t want the same thing. I do want a relationship. That’s why I’m acting like I’m in one. If that’s not something that he wants for himself then maybe I’m with the wrong person. Maybe we’re just not right for each other after all.
If I tone it down, it’ll be because I’m fed up. The day I stop showing him I care about him is the day I’ve actually stopped caring. I’m not likely to tone myself down while we’re still involved and I’m still committed to this thing between us. It could be that he’s not really into me, it could be that he’s not into relationships but I’m not going to change myself to suit. I’ll stick around being my usual self until it becomes clear that this relationship is not right for me. If I stop calling and asking how he’s doing, it’ll be because I no longer want to know. Until then, he’d better get used to me being in his life if he actually wants me there.
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