I’m Single By Choice – Here’s Why

Is there any other way for a rom-com in the noughties to start than with a self-righteous businesswoman declaring that she’s swearing off men for good? People need to trust me when I say I’m single by choice, it’s not a personal failure. It’s not just because I can’t get a partner. I’m just not willing to compromise my time. Here’s why.

I prefer my own company.

Why is self-love the least accepted form of love? I want to make sure that I maintain my relationship with myself above everything else. After all, I’m stuck with me. I don’t want to change for other people who will be flitting in and out of my life at a second’s notice. I want to know who I am and know what things I value above others. Most people rush into relationships without knowing their own boundaries or the things they’re willing to compromise. I won’t do that.

Men are (often) trash.

Is this a reductionist statement? Yes. Is it wrong? No. I said what I said. In a dating capacity, anyway, those early stages are so tiring. No one is interested in small talk. No one comes across as interesting during that time either, so why waste time on things that don’t serve me? Maybe I’ll dedicate more time to that portion of life later on, but for now, I’m not going to perform the version of heteronormativity that society wants me to. This is probably the biggest and most important reason that I’m single by choice.

The freedom to take up my own hobbies.

I live on my own schedule and for me. I don’t need to explain myself when I’m single or compromise my goals or social activities. I want the flexibility to take up running, hiking, or cross-stitching. I get to do what I want when I want and it feels amazing.

I can prioritize myself.

I can figure out what I want out of life without constantly thinking about other people. That sounds selfish, but it’s not. That’s self-preservation. I’m here to normalize acts of self-love. I am a whole person without a romantic partner. Heard it here first.

I can work on myself.

I have time to myself to unpack what I need to work on in my personal life and behavior. Without the clutter of another person, I can take up therapy. I can focus on getting the most out of sessions and be a better version of myself. Too often, relationships distract us from doing very important work on ourselves and I don’t want that to happen.

I can be spontaneous.

Single, I have no objectives or responsibilities to other people. Of course, I have friendships and other important relationships that I value, but it’s different with a relationship. There’s an expectation that they come on every trip, or that you’re not allowed to spend time apart. When I’m single, I can take off at a moment’s notice and live for myself.

My money and space are my own.

I don’t have to compromise with other people that I’m not really invested in. I’m young – I want to embrace my freedom and not be played by guys who have the emotional availability of a teaspoon.

I don’t know what I’m looking for.

This means that I don’t want to just play trial and error with my twenties. I want to look inwards first and identify what I need and want out of this life. That doesn’t mean that I want to dive into the first relationship that presents itself to me. I deserve more than the first option. We shouldn’t settle for the important things in life, and I know that there’s no rush. If anything, it’s more efficient to do things my way. So many people get trapped in relationships too early and can’t live their life and make mistakes when they’re young. If this is me ‘getting it out of my system’, then so be it. Keep things casual if you’re horny. Just because you’re single, doesn’t mean you have to be a nun.

I’m not compromising my values for mediocrity.

I don’t want to sacrifice my time and space for a man who doesn’t know how to shave properly without nicking himself, or who leaves the toilet seat up. I don’t want to get in a relationship when my sole purpose is to nag my partner. That’s not fun for anyone, but that’s twenty-year-old men for you.

So, there you are – bags of reasons to believe me when I say that I’m single by choice. Try it out for yourself if you don’t feel ready or willing to have a serious relationship. You’re not alone.

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