I know I went off the rails with you, and for that I’m genuinely sorry. You took me by surprise, and I wasn’t prepared for it. I thought things were going well, and I had no idea you didn’t feel the same. I know I acted pretty insane when you ended it — I’m only human, after all — but now that I’m myself again, I want you to know that even though I’m sorry that I acted crazy, it was just because I actually cared about you.
You totally blindsided me and I had no time to think.
When you stopped answering my calls and stopped spending so much time with me, I got nervous — and rightfully so. I was having so much fun with you and I thought you were too, but as it turns out, my crazy button was activated on a gut feeling. I knew you were pulling out; I just couldn’t admit it or rationalize it to myself.
Sometimes people get irrational.
Let’s be real here — when people catch feelings, all common sense goes out the window. I didn’t wake up one day and decide I was going to flip the switch, it just kind of happened. A feeling inside me took over and I temporarily spaced out on my sanity. I’m truly sorry about that.
I completely believed that you cared about me.
I didn’t just imagine the feelings between us — you played a part in it, too. The nights we spent laughing and sneaking kisses between sentences while cuddling next to each other were all moments that led me to fall for and trust you more. We were connecting and it was meaningful — at least for me it was. I thought what was happening between us meant something to you, too.
I only power called and texted because you went mute.
When I blew up your phone, I admit that was definitely insane on my part. Thankfully, that didn’t last forever and I eventually gave up, but you should know that the only reason I felt desperate to reach out to you was because I was in denial about the ending I didn’t want with you. In hindsight, I’m not sure what would have been better — for you to pick up and give me the brutal truth, or for me to stop trying. In the end, it would have all been the same either way. I know that now.
I needed more closure than you gave me.
I wish we could have had a better ending than the way things turned out. I wish we parted ways peacefully, but I realize with my behavior at the time, it wasn’t completely possible. On the other hand, you could have manned the hell up and ended things thoughtfully instead of brushing me off like yesterday’s news. Instead, you chose to treat me like I was nothing, and it made me lose my mind. Can you really blame me for going a little rogue?
I wanted things to work between us.
There was a time when I was with you when I really thought this thing could work. We made plans and we talked about doing things together in the future. It got me really excited and gave me that extra little something in my life to look forward to. When that option came to a screeching halt and you closed the curtains before the main show, it really hurt me.
I’m owning my crazy.
Look, you weren’t perfect either, but I know the story you’ll tell everyone else. I was the crazy one, I’m a psycho… I know what men say. I’ll be the first to admit I definitely wasn’t of sound mind when things ended between us, but my crazy didn’t come out of nowhere. It was for a reason, and it’s just unfortunate that it was a reason I couldn’t control at the time.
I’m sorry you think I’m insane.
I know you think I’m crazy based on the last side of me you saw, but deep down, I know you remember all the rest. I know you remember the sweet woman who was there for you, who cared about you, was affectionate and who went above and beyond just to put a smile on your face. I know you remember the other, rational, fun loving and completely tame sides of me, too. So, let’s not pretend that the label I deserve is the crazy one, because you know there’s more to me than that one moment in time.
I just really liked you is all.
It’s been a while now, and even though we’ve both left a bitter taste on each other from the way things went down, I want you to know that I really did like you. And even if I’m not the one who will make you happy in the end, there was a time I wished I was. It made me a little bit crazy, but it’s only because I actually cared about you.
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