I Like Getting Kinky Sometimes, But I’ll Never Let A Guy Do These 10 Things To Me In Bed

While it’s good to be adventurous and open-minded in the bedroom, there are a few situations in which a flat out “nope” is totally valid. I’m always into trying new things but there’s no way I’m going to do these.

Act out a fantasy where I’m younger than I actually am

 No offense to your weird child fetish, guys, but having me act like a teenager is not something that turns me on, nor is it attractive to be with a guy who wants to have sex with a minor. I’m an adult woman and unless he’s a pedophile, that should be more attractive to him than a child. Even if it is “just a fantasy,” it’s real-world messed up.

Use my face as a destination for his come

 Why would a guy want to come on a girl’s face anyway? I mean, it makes some kind of sense to want to do it in her mouth or on her boobs or something, but seriously, why the face? The least sexy thing I can think of is having sperm shooting into my eyes. Like, what is the motivation there?

Slap me with anything other than his hand

 Getting a little rough during sex can be hot, but I don’t want to be in actual physical pain afterward because of it. Whips may look sexy, but they’re actual objects of torture and as such, they’re pretty painful when used in any context. If a guy is willing to put his partner in physical pain beyond something brief and playful, what does that say about him?

Not use a condom if we’ve just met

 This is just common sense and it’s as important for the health of the guy as it is for the girl. For some reason, a lot of guys seem to be a little less concerned about STDs or unwanted pregnancies and will often try anything to avoid using a condom. To be clear, I don’t owe any guy anything, especially if we’ve just met or if it’s our first time sleeping together. A few moments of awkwardness are far less unpleasant than having to deal with an STD.

Act out a fantasy involving violence

 While it’s not usually fair to shame someone over their sexual fantasies, when it comes to violence, I have every right to put my foot down. I’m thinking here about guys with rape fantasies. That’s not normal, nor is it OK, and I’m more than justified in calling them out. In fact, guys who are into this crap need to be shown the light. It’s almost a responsibility to humankind to get real with them about it in the strongest possible way.

Address his junk by name

 Some guys name their penises. It’s a thing. Maybe it’s just me, but there’s no way I’m going to pretend his junk is a separate person and talk to it like it can hear me. It’s not that I find it demeaning in any way, it’s just that, like, why? Wouldn’t he rather I not say anything at all than burst into hysterical laughter when attempting to talk to his anthropomorphized sex organ?

Pretend to be into women for him

 If you’re somewhat flexible in your sexuality and your guy wants you to mess around with another girl so he can watch, go for it. If it sounds like a sexy scenario to you, dive right in. But I’m super straight and have absolutely no attraction to girls whatsoever, so I won’t force myself to do anything just because a guy wants me to. It’ll just end up awkward and not particularly pleasurable for anyone, and it’s so, so important that my partner respects what I want.

Let him talk dirty in a way that’s demeaning

 I don’t care how hot a guy thinks it is, I’ll never let anyone call me a “slut” or a “dirty whore” in bed. These kinds of words have a long and destructive history, and that doesn’t simply go away when you enter the bedroom. It reveals something significant about my partner too. Any guy who wants to demean me in such a strong way during sex probably holds some deep and ugly beliefs about women outside the bedroom as well.

Go down on him without him returning the favor

 Whether or not I actually like going down on dudes, there has to be equality. If I set a precedent where he gets all the pleasure out of sex and I do all the work, it’ll carry over into all other aspects of my life. Sexual dynamics are a powerful indication of the dynamic of other parts of the relationship, so I’m careful about what I choose to let go.

Call him “Daddy”

Why is this still so acceptable? Although the sub/dom dynamic might be sexy in some scenarios, the whole concept of a woman calling a guy she’s having sex with “Daddy” is kind of freaky and totally wrong. While some couples may be into this, and that’s just fine, it’s certainly not fine for me.

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