Lithromantic: What It Means & Signs This Could Be You

While the term lithromantic may be new, chances are you or someone you know has traits that are ascribed to this orientation. Also known as aromantic or apromantic, the label is a catch-all for those to whom romantic relationships have no real draw. Of course, it’s more complex than that. Read on to find out more.

What does it mean to be lithromantic?

Simply put, lithromantic people are those who experience romantic attraction to other people but have no desire for that attraction to be returned, according to WebMD. Not only that, but romantic feelings experienced by a lithromantic may dissipate if the object of their affection begins to feel the same.

The label falls under the broader spectrum of aromanticism, which also includes demiromantic, gray-aromantic, quoiromantic, and cupioromantic individuals. However, they all share the same quality of a lack of romantic attraction to others.

Why do people become lithromantic?

While it’s easy to assume that lithromantic people may avoid romantic relationships because they’ve experienced relationship trauma in their past, that’s not always the case. It’s certainly possible, of course. A person may be lithromantic for a period but change after therapy or counseling. That being said, some lithromantics have had no relationship trauma at all. In these instances, there’s no clear explanation for their preferences.

Whatever the reason for lithromantics’ preferences, it does not imply that anything is “wrong” or “broken.” Sexuality exists on a spectrum, and there is no true “normal.” Lithromantics are still capable of having fulfilling and happy relationships despite their lack of interest in romance.

Signs this may be you

  • You have no desire for romantic relationships. While you may develop romantic feelings for another person, a lithromantic has no desire to actually see those feelings come to fruition. They are happy to experience their feelings from afar and have no need to experience romantic connections in their day to day lives.
  • When someone you like shows interest back, you pull away. If the person they like finds out about the lithromantic’s feelings and reveals that they feel the same, that’s a problem. Reciprocity may be a dream come true for many people who are seeking long-term romantic relationships, but lithoromantics find someone being romantically attracted them to be a complete turn-off. In fact, it’s likely to make their feelings disappear altogether.
  • Sexual intimacy makes you uncomfortable. Lithoromantics may have sex, potentially even often, but it often makes them uneasy. This is because they know that for most people, sex creates or furthers emotional intimacy. Given that they are not interested in this type of relationship, they’re unable to truly relax and let go during sexual encounters. They may even avoid them completely.
  • The idea of romance freaks you out or repulses you. Lithromantics may find anything to do with romance to be repulsive or disgusting. They hate rom-coms, dislike love songs, and find grand romantic gestures to be cringe-worthy. Despite occasionally having romantic feelings of their own, they never manifest into action — and that’s how they like it.
  • You prioritize the platonic relationships in your life. They’re comfortable with platonic connections as there’s a line that will never be crossed. While they can enjoy fulfilling relationships with their friends and family members, those relationships lack the level of emotional intimacy that romantic relationships tend to center on.

More signs you might be lithromantic

  • You don’t make yourself emotionally available to other people. Even when they’re in a relationship, which does happen occasionally, lithromantics tend to keep things surface-level and tend to hold their partners at a distance. They don’t have deep conversations or attempt to connect. Any attempt from a partner to do so will be met with resistance.
  • You plan to stay single long-term. A lithromantic person doesn’t fear being single or dying alone. In fact, this is the fate they desire. They can’t picture spending their life with a partner and have no plans to do so. While they don’t completely swear off relationships, they know all of them will have an expiry date.
  • You hate cuddling or kissing. These things are romantic for many, but it’s the exact reason a lithromantics hate them. They don’t want to be close in this way. Even when having sex, they prefer to get down to business and leave the lovey-dovey stuff out. They see these gestures as major turn-offs and will not entertain them.
  • When you do date someone, you lose romantic interest quickly. When they do convince themselves that their romantic feelings might last, they’re soon proven wrong. Once they get into the nitty-gritty of a relationship, they soon realize that their feelings have faded and they’re no longer interested in being in the relationship.
  • You never tell your crushes how you feel about them. Lithromantic people don’t feel the need to make a move when they have a crush on someone because they know they don’t want anything to come of it. There’s no reason to act on their emotions since they know they won’t stick around for very long.
  • The idea of a friend with benefits is more appealing than having a partner. Contrary to what many people might believe, lithromantic people do enjoy sex. This is why they may seek casual connections. This allows them to get their sexual needs met without the emotional requirements.
Jennifer Still is a writer and editor with more than 10 years of experience. The managing editor of Bolde, she has bylines in Vanity Fair, Business Insider, The New York Times, Glamour, Bon Appetit, and many more. You can follow her on Twitter @jenniferlstill