I Was The Crappy Friend Who Neglected My BFFs For My Boyfriend & I Seriously Regret It

I’m a bad friend… or at least, I used to be. In my last relationship, I made some really bad choices that threw my life balance out of whack and caused me to ditch the very friends who were going to stick around much longer than the loser I’d been dating. I’ll never make that mistake again, because thankfully, I know where I messed up:

  1. I got caught up in a new world. In the beginning, my relationship was awesome. I’d met this amazing guy, and I just wanted to be with him and nobody else. That was good for maybe a weekend or so, but it didn’t make sense in the long-term. We were stuck in a bubble that didn’t let anyone else in… including my BFF, who missed me terribly.
  2. I became smug. I was having such a fabulous time that it went to my head. I became arrogant about my happiness and refused to be brought down from my cloud. If other people weren’t happy about it or rolled their eyes when I was rambling on about my contentment, I’d tell them not to drag me down.
  3. I thought I didn’t need anyone except my BF. Since my boyfriend and I had become really close, I thought that he was all I needed. Big mistake. I needed connections of a different kind, like the ones I shared with my awesome girlfriends I was totally shutting out.
  4. I became selfish. It was all about me and what I wanted. If a friend got mad at me because I canceled yet another movie night, I’d think how unfair it was that I couldn’t just do what I wanted (which obviously involved something else with my BF). He became my priority, and I became selfish in not wanting to give any of my time to anyone else.
  5. I forgot how important it is to have other people in my life. Sure, a great relationship is awesome, but it shouldn’t be the only thing that matters. I really needed other loved ones in my life, but I forgot about that because I was blinded by romance.
  6. I took people for granted. I guess part of neglecting my friends was the ridiculous and obnoxious thought that they’d always be there for me. I knew that they loved me, so I didn’t have to invest much in the friendships. Or at least, that’s what I thought. I assumed they’d always be around, but that’s never a guarantee. The further I was pulling away from them, the harder it would be to get them back.
  7. I realized I’d become what I hated. I’d experienced friends treating me like crap when they got a romantic partner, and it sucked. I’d judged them harshly for it. And yet, there I was, doing the same thing to my friends. WTF? I had become what I hated, but I didn’t see it until a good friend called me out on it. Talk about eating a nice, thick slice of humble pie.
  8. I lost my friends, so I lost myself. Some friends cut me out when I moved away from them, and I couldn’t really blame them. But it made me see how losing a friendship can be more painful than losing a boyfriend. It hurt like hell and made me feel like I’d lost myself, too. It was like a big piece of my life had been ripped away, and I only had myself to blame.
  9. It made me appreciate people more. A good thing that came out of all the drama was that I realized how important it is to appreciate the people in my life. There’s never a guarantee that they’ll be there forever.
  10. Bad times woke me up. When my relationship hit the rocks, I realized that I needed other people. But by then, it was too late. I couldn’t expect people I’d abandoned to run to my rescue. It was a hard lesson, but it definitely taught me that no matter what happened in my life, I needed my friends. I resolved to appreciate them so much more in future.
  11. I learned the importance of being sorry. I humbled myself and reached out to those I’d hurt. I apologized for being such a lousy friend, and although it was a tough thing to do, it really did make me a better person. Some friends came back into my life, and I lost touch for good with other friends, but at least I finally opened my eyes to my mistakes and learned so much about myself.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.