Masturbation was, for most of my life, a dirty word. I grew up touching myself in secret and feeling profoundly guilty for it. This guilt extended into my adult life to the point that I barely even knew my own body. Then, by chance, I tried orgasmic meditation and it completely changed my relationship with my body and my sexuality.
It was totally unplanned. I was cuddling with a platonic acquaintance when he suggested we try orgasmic meditation. I’d heard of it before but didn’t really know what it entailed and was curious to try it out. It was a completely spontaneous decision and one that reshaped my entire sexual life.
It was a unique sexual experience. Orgasmic meditation is a partner exercise, lasting between 15 and 30 minutes. The guy I was practicing with asked me to undress and lie down. He sat next to me and we spent a couple of minutes finding out how I liked to be touched, refining the speed, direction, and pressure of one repetitive stroke over my clitoris. For the next 30 minutes, he touched me with just this one stroke while my only job was to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.
Masturbation with a partner is completely different. As much as it was a physical experience, my orgasmic meditation was also an exercise in communication. The idea was for me to receive exactly the type of touch I wanted for the entire period. That meant communicating clearly and confidently in the beginning what felt good to me. We also talked to each other throughout, expressing what we were experiencing in that moment. It was totally different to my normal experiences of masturbation and totally different to sex. It was almost like having someone else masturbate me.
I allowed myself to be selfish. Having an exercise in which to explore my desires allowed me the freedom to delve completely into my own selfish desires. Up until then, I’d never had a sexual experience in which I let go entirely and received exactly what I wanted. Usually, I would make sure to give something in return. This time was totally different—it was all about me, my body, and my pleasure.
My body became hyper-sensitive. Receiving the same touch for such a long time really was like a meditation. Without the pressure to perform, the desire to please a partner, or the distraction of constantly changing stimulus, my mind and body became incredibly tuned-in to every nuance of sensation that I was experiencing. The smallest touch absorbed my entire attention and I was completely present with my body.
There was no goal. Although I’d prefer it didn’t, sex often carries with it the goal of orgasm for me. The orgasmic meditation exercise was explicitly not about that. If I came, I came; if I didn’t, I didn’t. Having this openly stated from the beginning was so liberating and allowed me to appreciate the sensations for what they were rather than as a means to an end.
I learned to make love to myself. The benefits of this experience didn’t end when it ended. After that day, I completely changed the way I touched myself. Rather than chasing orgasm, I really slowed down and took the time to appreciate my body and all the sensations I could feel through it. Masturbation became a ritual and an act of self-love. I began to touch myself as I would touch a love—attentively, caringly and gratefully.
I reclaimed my sexuality. This was the beginning of a new chapter in my sexual life. I was so empowered by this new discovery and I felt awakened as a sexual being. My body and sexuality were brand new secrets to explore and understand and I was excited to discover what was there.
Guilt and shame no longer plagued me. The guilt and shame of my youth disappeared as soon as I began to see my sexuality as a gift and not a burden. In making love to myself, I appreciated my body in a way I never had before: as something to be celebrated rather than shunned.
It profoundly changed my sex life. I became so much more confident in bed and my partners loved it. Where I used to be meek in asking for what I wanted, I suddenly felt comfortable expressing my desires. I also had a much greater appreciation for my partners’ sexual experiences and I had some of the most profound spiritual-sexual moments as a result of this new-found understanding. Orgasmic meditation changed my entire experience of sex and I’m so happy I stumbled upon it (as are my partners).
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