Despite the growing acceptance and visibility of all sexual orientations, the world is still shaking off the remnants of sexual repression. For most of us, people are straight by default, so it can take some time to recognize attraction to people of the same sex. If you find yourself questioning your sexuality, here are nine clues that you might, in fact, be queer.
Your girl crushes go further than platonic admiration. We’ve all had the experience of admiring some female celebrity, but if your admiration of Scarlett Johansson goes further than just enjoying her acting, there might be something more to it. Feel a little giddy every time you watch Avengers? Find yourself daydreaming about those soft lips and sultry curves? Yeah, that’s a big hint.
You think of other women when you touch yourself. When you masturbate, what do you think about? This is a massive clue to not just to your sexual orientation but to other preferences too. If you ever find yourself imagining sex with other women while you’re pleasuring yourself, that’s a pretty obvious indicator that you’re not entirely heterosexual. Try exploring those fantasies a little more to see if it’s something you want to try out in the real world.
You fantasize about women when having sex with men. Ever caught yourself imagining a sexy lady between your legs when your boyfriend is going down on you? Does fantasizing about sex with a woman push you over the edge when you’re chasing an orgasm? Do you ever imagine your partner’s penis is a strap-on? Surprise, surprise—these are all pretty big indicators that you’re into women.
You enjoy lesbian porn. This is probably a pretty obvious one but it bears noting. At one point or another, you’ve probably stumbled across some lesbian porn or at least some girl-on-girl action alongside whatever else it is you’re into. If you’ve seen two women getting hot and heavy together and liked it, that’s a pretty big clue. And if it’s something you’re regularly seeking out, then you already know what I’m about to say: you’re probably into women.
You’re down for making out with other women. While girls kissing each other has become par for the course even among straight women, the way you feel about it will tell you how deep that desire actually goes. Straight women might be happy to kiss on a night out simply for the spectacle and for the attention it garners from basically every man in a 10-mile radius, but if you find yourself kissing your friends (or even thinking about kissing them) because it excites you, there’s something deeper there.
You’re between 18 and 24 years old. That’s right ladies, statistics are on your side. A study done in 2015 found that 54% of people between 18 and 24 identify as something other than heterosexual. Using the Kinsey Scale—a spectrum between 0 and 6—participants self-identified as being completely homosexual, completely heterosexual, or somewhere in between. And yep, most of us are somewhere in the middle.
You feel disgusted or guilty at the thought of being with other women. Believe it or not, this might be a sign that you’re repressing your attraction to women. Homophobia is often an indicator of hidden homosexual tendencies—a reaction to internalized fear and judgment. If you find yourself getting particularly vitriolic at the thought of being with a woman, it may be an opportunity to stop, reflect and see where those feelings are coming from.
You feel something shift in you when you imagine identifying as queer. Take a second to try on different labels. How does it feel to think of yourself as straight? How about queer? Bisexual? Pansexual? Lesbian? If you feel something move in you, look closer at that. Override any judgments or resistance you might have in your mind and listen more to what your body is telling you.
No matter what, it’s OK. If you find you’re 100% only attracted to dudes, good for you! If you realize there’s a curiosity towards women, that’s great too! And if you find that all you want to do is eat pussy, fantastic news! No matter what your orientation, no matter who you’re attracted too, there is nothing wrong with any of it. Be true to yourself, accept yourself, and embrace your desires. You’re perfect just the way you are.
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