I Refuse To Fake An Orgasm — If He Doesn’t Get Me Off, He’ll Know About It

Women have been socially conditioned to fake orgasms. It’s generally done to make men comfortable or protect their egos, but it makes us miss out on some of the most amazing bliss there is to feel. Screw that. I’m not in the business of faking an orgasm — if my partner doesn’t get me off, they’ll be as well aware as I am.

I faked it for too long — it’s not going to happen anymore. Growing up, I had unhealthy sex where I pretty much just wanted it to be over. Orgasms weren’t even part of the question. I can count on one hand how many I had. Instead, I thought I was just supposed to fake it so that we could stop the whole sex thing. This was a sad way of being in a relationship and I refuse to do things that way anymore.

I refuse to fake it just to make the other person comfortable. A huge reason I used to fake my orgasms was because I wanted the other person (almost always a dude) to be comfortable. I wanted to make him feel like he did something right, which in hindsight was very foolish. I couldn’t help it, though — catering to men was that social conditioning I grew to hate so much.

Women should be trying to close the orgasm gap anyway. Have you heard of the orgasm gap? As Lisa Wade at AlterNet put it, “According to a large-scale survey of American adults, women have about one orgasm for every three a man enjoys. We call this the “orgasm gap” and it’s been a point of contention since feminists identified it during the heyday of the sexual revolution.” I’m now working to close the orgasm gap, one O at a time.

I’ve never experienced a guy faking–because it’s unlikely AF. Because of that orgasm gap, the likelihood of a dude faking an orgasm is wildly slim. I’ve definitely never experienced one guy faking because the fact that they were having one has always been quite obvious. So, I refuse to fake it. Why the heck would I? I want to experience bliss just like the next guy.

Faking really does no good for either of us. Lying about it is pretty senseless. My partner’s ego may be intact but I’m not being truthful, so it’s really a false sense of pride. I certainly don’t benefit whatsoever from faking it, so what’s the point? Pretending it’s happening when it’s not has no true benefit for either of us, so I’ll be the one to let my partner know if it’s not happening so that we can keep trying for the real thing.

I don’t lie in general and sex is no exception. I’m an incredibly honest person, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s not in my character to lie about getting off, so I’m not going to. I’d rather be truthful so that my partner and I can be on the same page — working towards an O together. I’ll leave the lying and faking in my past where it was doing me no good.

I’d like a partner who gives a damn whether I get off or not. I don’t want a sex companion or partner who’s more concerned with their fragile ego than they are with getting me off. I’m interested in someone who cares just as much about my orgasm as they do their own. I’d only have a partner who really gives a damn about how I’m experiencing everything.

I want a partner who’s willing to put in the effort. Let’s be real, cis women are tough to get off. It doesn’t help that most of us fake it for years or decades before we realize we’re doing no one a favor, but completing the act really is challenging. I want a partner who’s willing to be patient and put in the effort to make sure that I’m achieving that pleasure.

If I lie, my partner may never figure out how to truly get me off. If I’m faking it, my partner is going to think that they’re doing a series of moves that is leading to an orgasm. They’ll keep repeating ways that aren’t working and they won’t even know because I’m not being truthful. No thanks! I’d rather be totally honest so that my partner and I can figure out something that works together.

I let my partner know I haven’t had an orgasm in a kind way. My partner will know about the fact that I haven’t had an orgasm because I will tell them or it’ll be clear during the act. I go about it in a way that is kind, though. I don’t get angry at my partner or myself. I won’t give up and storm off or go on a feminist rant (okay, I might do that last one), but on the whole, I’ll deliver the news in a kind and loving way, leaving room for us to keep trying.

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