We all have friends that just seem to have always been mature and we wish we were more like them. However, sometimes being so emotionally stable isn’t all it’s made out to be. Here are 17 secrets people who’ve managed to achieve this level of equilibrium know all too well.
1. They didn’t get this way overnight — it took a lot of work.
No one has to be defined by who they were when they were younger. Emotionally stable people are the same: they were very different and had lots of ups and downs in their youth. That’s what prompted them to turn things around and learn better habits.
2. They don’t always have it all together — they have bad days too.
Even emotionally stable people have bad days. They understand that it’s impossible to control everything in the world, and sometimes you have to just sit back and take it. Every day is a learning day, most especially the hard ones.
3. They don’t always want to have to play the role of mediator.
When someone has built up a reputation for being emotionally stable, people cling to that. They see these people as being emotionally superior and mature, and love to draw on their experiences when it comes to resolving arguments. It’s (usually) great to be recognized for these skills — and who doesn’t love a bit of drama?
4. Everyone’s secrets are safe with them.
People come to rely on emotionally stable people’s judgments because they’re extremely trustworthy and always take time to think things through before making any kind of determination. People know that their secrets are safe with them and that they can confide and get things off their chests.
5. Being stable doesn’t mean being boring — far from it.
This is one of the stereotypes that people who are emotionally balanced get all the time. No one wants to think that their best skill set — which adds so much value to the world — could also be something that makes them boring to other people. Stability is exciting because people who live in chaos don’t have the structure to go out and get what they want.
6. They provide a lot of support but don’t get much of it in return.
When emotionally balanced people are often known for supporting lots of other people in their lives, it’s a sad fact that they lack a high-quality support network. For the most part, they have the internal skillsets to manage most things, but it’s one of the secret burdens of being emotionally stable. It can be isolating since everyone assumes they’ve got it all under control.
7. Sorting out everyone’s trauma is exhausting.
It’s a lot of pressure to be tasked with the responsibility to fix other people’s trauma, particularly if they get too comfortable coming to you for answers. Emotionally balanced people need to deal with their own problems too, and they don’t always have the mental energy to do it for everyone.
8. They often feel used and taken for granted.
For the most part, emotionally-balanced people love being able to help others. But sometimes it goes too far and they get used or suddenly involved in highly complex situations where people expect them to give up all their free time to resolve their issues without a real offer of friendship in return.
9. They struggle to find relationships even more than they did when their lives were a mess.
Emotionally stable people fear that other people don’t find them as exciting or attractive because stability isn’t sexy to most people. While this is a valid fear for one’s 20s, it’s useful context to see how the dating scene in your 30s refocuses on having a stable base for future growth. Emotionally stable people should know that their time will come.
10. They often grew up before their time and missed out on a lot of their childhood.
It’s always easy to see parents’ eyes light up when they realize they have a really mature, emotionally intelligent kid. From their perspective, it means they can share some of the responsibilities around the house, such as looking after the younger children or resolving arguments. However, much as you love your family, this is a lot to put on a kid.
11. Their emotional stability helps them get ahead professionally too.
Even if some days are hard, it’s always nice to pick up the plaudits when your peers and authority figures respect you. Emotionally stable people often have very good jobs in sectors such as law and consulting, as their analytical skills are through the roof.
12. They’re desperate for people to appreciate them for more than what they can provide.
Sure, the validation at work is great and all, but sometimes it really is a challenge for emotionally-balanced people when they start falling behind in the dating world. They want to be seen for qualities like their sense of humor, sports ability, or love of reading — not just the emotional service they provide.
13. They need to be challenged.
We can all get stuck in our own heads at times, and that’s something that lots of emotionally-stable people struggle with. When the right person or friend group comes along, it helps them to seize the day more and take risks.
14. They often struggle to set boundaries.
Because lots of people expect emotionally stable people to be available all the time to help them, it can be hard to assert boundaries. They have to say “no” sometimes. When other people don’t realize how taxing it is to practice emotional maturity all the time, they don’t always understand why they’re told “no.”
15. They know they have lots of growing still to do.
Emotionally stable people know that, just as stability is important, so is change. They never want to be standing still or thinking they have finished growing up. They’re always on the lookout for new opportunities to live, fail, and learn.
16. Sometimes they wish they could let loose.
We all have those moments where we wish we could go Britney and just slash everything down and start fresh somewhere else. Emotionally-stable people often struggle to action these thoughts, because they think they owe their friends something, but they secretly want to escape sometimes.
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