In the past, I’d go on a date with anyone. I’d share my time with whoever wanted it regardless of whether or not they were good for me. My meter for reading situations and people just wasn’t very good yet. Over time, though, my standards have risen and it’s had an amazing effect on my dating life.
My standards used to be lower. The bar for who I’d let in my life was set pretty low. I didn’t need someone wonderful—pretty much anyone would do. It was sad but I didn’t even realize that I was living this way. I just thought that this was the way things are. As a result, I was often left feeling hurt and wondering why. I found myself with people who didn’t really care about me. They usually just cared about sex.
I didn’t know what I wanted. I was attracting the wrong people because I didn’t know exactly what I wanted. I sort of shrugged at dating and took whatever came my way. This was sad because I let other people dictate the terms of the relationship without really participating at all in the decision. Ambiguity is a really gross thing in dating and it’s not at all ideal for developing a healthy relationship. That’s probably why I didn’t have any.
Now, I know what I want. Thank goodness that I finally have a grasp on what I expect from someone I date. These are called standards and mine are crystal clear to me. I’m not flip-floppy or loose about how I go about dating. Since I know what I want, I can look for exactly that. No more wasting my time stumbling around trying to find love without any sort of framework.
I’m more suspicious than I used to be. Gosh, I used to let anyone into my life. I’d get super intimate with someone I hardly knew and this led to nothing but pain. Thank goodness that I learned my lesson and I now am much more suspicious of people. I don’t mean that I’m incapable of being vulnerable, I just mean that I have a healthy level of suspicion before I’ve built up trust with a person. It helps me keep my standards front and center.
I refuse to overlook red flags. In the past, I’d see a red flag and sort of shrug. It wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me. I don’t go on like that anymore. I take red flags into serious account when considering whether or not to be with someone. I stick to my standards and those are pretty high.
I take things slow. Before, I’d jump right into bed with someone I just met. Now, I move much slower. I take my time when it comes to getting physical with someone. They need to also be totally okay with me taking however long I need to—this is part of my standards. Someone worth my time will respect my needs in this part of our relationship. As a result, I weed out someone right away who doesn’t respect my needs.
I now have an intuition and I follow it. t’s a guiding force that helps me to read situations or people and make decisions. It’s quite helpful when I’m deciding whether or not someone meets my standards because my intuition sometimes tells me things that my mind doesn’t always know. For example, I may just get the gut feeling that a guy is skeezy. There may be no explanation, but I listen to what my intuition says.
I believe I don’t have to settle to find someone. I’ve sometimes had the thought that I should just settle for any old person because I had such a hard time finding love. Now I believe that I’m not required to lower my standards in order to find a partner. I stick to my guns and I wait for someone who’s actually a match. There will be no settling for this gal. I’m worth too much and there’s someone out there worth my time.
This results in meeting lovelier people. Sure, the pool that I can choose from is smaller than if I was lowering my standards to let a bunch of people in, but it’s totally a better pool. As a result of not being willing to lower my standards, I meet some seriously awesome people who have the potential to be partners. Obviously, it doesn’t work out with everyone, but I can be glad I crossed paths with some people.
I’ve actually found someone worth my time. I stood by my standards. I had those deal breakers that I refused to let slip by and stuck to them. As a result, I actually met someone who meets my standards. Turns out, there weren’t any red flags with this guy. He’s wonderful and is totally within my standards. Sticking to them has paid off.