I knew my boyfriend wasn’t exactly an expert on female biology, but I didn’t know just how little he actually knew about it. Turned out he needed a serious crash course on the vagina, so I got out my flip chart and started our first lesson.
It came to my attention when I left the bathroom door open.
We’re pretty comfortable with each other. We’ve lived together for almost five years and lived through countless episodes of food poisoning, upset tummies, and mucus-fueled colds, so leaving the door open while we have a quick pee really doesn’t phase us. This particular time, I left the bathroom door open and he didn’t realize I was in there so he walked right in on me mid-flow.
I didn’t mind, but I did want some privacy while I wiped my bits.
I carried on my business as we had a little tête à tête and then I asked him to step outside while I tugged at the toilet roll. When I came back out, he sheepishly asked me if I had to wipe every time I went to the toilet. Uh, yeah dude! It was then that I knew he needed some educating and not just on why a vagina shouldn’t drip dry!
I can’t really blame him since penises work so much differently.
Not once at a urinal or on television have I ever seen a man take a whiz and then dab his junk with a slice of paper. While this notion bothers me slightly (surely it’s not completely dry before it’s tucked back into its home?), I guess it’s the norm in guy world.
Lesson number two: the vagina is self-cleaning.
While my boyfriend soaps himself up all over in the shower, I had to let him know that nothing but water should be going inside the vagina. Even some girls are guilty of not knowing that the vagina is self-cleaning, but get this: the last time I had a pelvic exam, my doctor was not only able to tell that some soap had made its way in there but also the brand of soap I used! To be fair, it’s a popular brand where I’m from, but it’s also one of the worst for changing the natural pH of the vagina.
Lesson number three: we have three holes.
My naive boyfriend presumed that when I had my period, I had to remove my tampon in order to pee. Granted, I often use my toilet breaks as an excuse to change my tampon, but I quickly corrected him that it isn’t necessary in order for urination to be possible. Just in case anyone else isn’t clear, there’s one hole for the butt, one for peeing through, and a third for tampons, babies and penises. Got it?
Lesson number four: the clitoris does not need to be yanked.
I’ve wanted to mention this to my darling for quite some time. Every time we get intimate with foreplay, he seems to think when I moan and let him know I’m enjoying it, he needs to put the pedal to the metal and rub my clit ridiculously fast the way he would enjoy a hand job when he’s close to finishing. Maybe it’s just me, but if I’m telling him I’m enjoying it at the nice comfortable pace he already has, don’t change it!
The final lesson: thrush is not just an STD.
Yes, it’s contagious and can be transmitted through sex, but you can get thrush (also known as a yeast infection) at any time and women tend to be more prone to it than men. I’ll often get a bout of thrush after my period and one girl I know swears mushrooms give her thrush too! What’s more, if someone has thrush in their mouth and they give you oral sex, you can catch genital thrush that way and vice versa.
Even he was shocked at how little he knew.
Once he knew all the facts, he was gobsmacked! How he had gone through 34 years not knowing these fundamental vagina stats was beyond his comprehension. Since then, I’ve noticed a new book on our shelf—a small, discreet book entitled, Female Anatomy For Beginners.
I think we need to re-evaluate sex ed in schools.
When I was at school, around age 10, the boys were separated from the girls and we each had a talk. The girls’ talk was obviously all about periods, boobs, and pubic hair while I can only imagine the boys talk focussed mainly on impromptu erections and their balls dropping. I get the separation—we probably would have been mortified at that age to have both talks together—but it didn’t get any easier in high school when we were all older and the teacher wanted to tell us as little as possible to avoid embarrassment. Boys need to know what goes on in a girl’s body and vice versa, whether it’s embarrassing or not!
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