We’ve all been ghosted, but it can be hard to admit when it’s happening. You make excuses for the guy to convince yourself that he’s just busy or needs some time or can’t find the words to express how in love with you he is. If you find yourself asking, “Should I text him?” The answer is always “no.” Here’s why:
It undermines your worth. By repeatedly texting him, you’re showing that you don’t expect to be treated with respect. You’re signaling that you’re so desperate to be with him that you won’t walk away, no matter how little he values your time and attention. This is a dangerous precedent to set with someone you hope to be in a relationship with. Even if he came to his senses and fell madly in love with you, your relationship would be built on a toxic foundation.
He’ll be less likely to respond. If he thinks you’ll always be there for him, he’ll never feel urgency to text you. He will always see you as a backup option. If you jump on every text he sends you, he will be too secure. He’ll know that no matter what he does, you’ll be waiting for him with open arms. Texting a guy who’s ghosting you is guaranteeing that he’ll take you for granted as long as you stay in contact with him.
He had his chance. How many chances have you given him to show a basic level of interest? Two? Three? Fifteen? Ask yourself: how many failed chances will it take for you to realize that he’s giving you all the information you need? You can’t expect everyone you fall for to like you back. No amount of persistence will change his mind, it will only make him more distant. In an ideal world, he would be direct with you and tell you that he’s not interested in a relationship, but some people would rather keep their options open than be honest.
It prevents you from putting him behind you. The more you contemplate how to get him to respond to you, the harder it will be to let go. If you’ve given him multiple chances to respond and he never does, you need to move on. Continuing to reach out to him will only drag you deeper into frustration, confusion, and low self-esteem. Stop texting him, and things will start to get better very soon.
You’ll regret it. You may not recognize it now, but when you look back on this period three years from now, you will be shocked by how much effort and anguish you poured into one mediocre guy who never respected you. You will regret the time you wasted trying to win over a lost cause, and think about all the other things you could have been doing and thinking about. He is a waste of your time. Don’t text him.
What are you hoping to achieve? Consider what you’re trying to accomplish. If you want him to text you back, what would he really have to say? “Hey”? “U up”? If these sound insufficient and anticlimactic to you, they should. Given his behavior up to this point, it is highly unlikely that he’ll make a u-turn and start treating you like girlfriend material, let alone apologize. Think about the possibilities you’re clinging to and whether they’re realistic. It’s time to come back down to earth.
You wouldn’t let your friends treat you like this. If you’re struggling to let go of him, think about it this way: would you ever let one of your close friends ghost you and treat you like you don’t matter? Hopefully not. So why would you let a guy you’re obsessed with do it? You shouldn’t settle for a lower standard of decency and interest just because you’re in love with him. If anything, you should expect more.
Listen to your gut. The fact that you’re asking yourself if you should text him should be a big red flag. If you have doubt, it’s because you know something is off. You’ve asked the question, but deep down, you already know the answer. You’re just looking for reasons to override your inner truth-teller. You know you shouldn’t text, but it’s so hard to let go that you’re putting it off as long as you can. Take this as an opportunity to end your emotional attachment to him. It’s past time.
What To Do If He Eventually Reaches Out
If you follow this advice and refrain from texting him, he might get very attentive all of a sudden. When he senses that you’re pulling away, his ego will take a hit and he’ll want to reel you back in to reassure himself that you’re still into with him. Here’s what you should do if this happens:
Leave him on read for a few days. Whatever you do, do not respond immediately. This will undermine all the hard work you’ve done to put him behind you. Instead, let his text sit for a few days. This will give you time to formulate a measured response, or to realize that you don’t actually want to respond at all. It’ll also make him very uncomfortable.
Remind yourself of the history. While you give yourself some breathing room before responding to him, take a trip down memory lane and think about all the times he never texted you or showed up when you needed him or gave you any positive reinforcement whatsoever. This will give you the right context to make a decision about how to respond.
Tell him that he hurt you. If you don’t want him back but also don’t want to punish him with his own medicine, you can take the high road. Tell him why you aren’t rushing back into his arms and how you wish he’d treated you. You don’t have to be angry or vindictive, you can just give him the facts. When faced with so much maturity, he will either run for cover or find a backbone and give you the apology you deserve.
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