Do people call you a control freak? Do you feel anxious if you can’t control your situation or do things in the way you want to do them? It’s time to stop trying to control everything because here’s the thing: you can’t control everything and you’re making yourself stress out unnecessarily by trying so hard. So, take a deep breath and follow these 15 tips to stop being so controlling.
1. Ask Yourself What You’re Afraid Of.
Usually, what’s behind your need to control everything is fear. Maybe you’re scared that people won’t do things in the right way or if you can’t control your relationship you’ll be unhappy and end up alone. The fears might not seem logical, but they’re there so bring them out into the light and pick at them. Explore how they’re trying to make you think you have to control everything to be okay.
2. Ask For help if you need it.
If you’re always controlling but you don’t know how to stop, it can help to ask friends or your partner for some help. When you’re becoming controlling, they should let you know so you can stop, breathe, and rethink what you’re doing. This can help you to become more aware of your controlling patterns so you can stop yourself from falling into them in the future.
3. Put Yourself In Other People’s Shoes.
If you’re always telling people what to do or getting angry when they don’t meet all your expectations, it can make people not want to be around you. Put yourself in their shoes and be more empathetic to try to see the situation from their perspective. What would you feel if someone was controlling your every move? Yeah, it’s not cool. This can help you to stop your behavior.
4. Try To Accept What You Can’t Control.
Despite your best efforts, you can’t control everything. You can work hard to make a great first impression on a date but you still can’t control the date outcome. Similarly, you can’t control how the weather’s going to be on the day of your birthday party or what other people think of you. Cultivating acceptance can help you de-stress so you don’t go OTT. If you struggle with control issues, especially in your relationships, visit our sister site, Sweetn, for some great advice and tips on how to change things up and improve your relationships.
5. Improve Your Communication.
If you’re asking someone to help you with a project or you’re delegating a task to them, this can freak you out because you want to be in control. Improve how you communicate, such as by actively listening and being clear but polite in your requests, as this increases your chance of people doing what you want. If you’re rude or dismissive, they’ll be less likely to care about your needs.
6. See People Positively.
Sometimes, you might think you’re the only one who can frost a cake perfectly or plan a party. That’s not true! Many people are capable, so don’t run them down. Try to expect that people will impress you with what they can do and you might be surprised. Combined with communicating kindly, this will make people want to help you. And, you’ll just be nicer to be around. Truth!
7. Do Things On The Cuff.
Maybe you’re such a control freak that you like to plan everything in advance. You’ll plan a vacation itinerary and follow it to the T, or you’ll plan a date a week ahead of time so you don’t feel anxious at the last minute. While that’s cool, it’s healthy if you can be spontaneous sometimes. Just do something fun in the moment without planning it!
8. Dive Into Your Feelings.
When you get the impulse to control something, like if you want to forbid your partner from going to a strip club with his mates or if you want your friend to become vegan, stop and focus on what you’re feeling in that moment. Are you getting anxious? Do you feel angry? Explore these feelings so you can notice triggers and release them in a healthy way, like by writing in a journal or hitting the gym.
9. Realize Perfection Is An Illusion.
You might strive to be in control so everything can be perfect. Sorry, but that’s never going to happen. Perfection is an illusion. All you can do is your best and then surrender to whatever happens. Make that your motto and you’ll be less stressed and reduce how much drama you have in your life.
10. Channel Your Controlling Energy.
If you feel that antsy, anxious feeling whenever you want to control someone or something, try to channel that energy into something more productive. Go do something creative or enjoy a hobby. Try some calming journal prompts or chat to a friend on the phone who can talk you down. This can help you to find a healthy outlet for your feelings so they don’t make you crazy.
11. Stop Fighting With Yourself.
If you’re highly controlling, you probably feel angry a lot, like if you can’t get your way. While this can upset other people around you, who might feel like you’re always pushing them to do things they don’t wanna do, you might also carry that anger around with you. Maybe you even feel guilty for being controlling. Stop fighting with yourself! Treat yourself kindly and indulge in regular self-care, then you’ll be able to extend that kindness to others.
12. Realize You Can’t Fix Others.
In relationships, a controlling person might want to change their partners. So, maybe you want your partner to dress differently or treat you better. Even if the change would be something positive for them and you, it’s still a waste of your time and energy to try to make them change. If they don’t want to, it’s not going to happen.
13. Give Trusting People A Shot.
You might have major trust issues that cause you to want to control things to protect yourself. Maybe you had previous trauma that prevents you from trusting others easily, so you keep people at arm’s length. Okay, try this: why not try to trust someone on the fly and see what happens? It’s freeing to let things happen naturally and rest in the knowledge the you’ll be okay if you discover that trusting them was a bad idea.
14. Let Others Make Their Own Mistakes.
Your friend goes for a run without wearing sunscreen and you give them a lecture about it. Your partner wants to quit his job and you shout at them that it’s a really bad idea. Although you mean well and want to help others, you don’t want to be too forceful about what other people should or shouldn’t do. You don’t get to choose their life. Period. Which brings us to the next point:
15. Only Give Advice When It’s Asked For.
This is a tough one for controlling people, but it’s a must to do: don’t give people unsolicited advice. So, don’t tell your friend that they shouldn’t be dating someone new after their recent breakup unless they ask you for your thoughts. Okay? People will respect you more and be more willing to ask you for your advice if you’re chilled about it.
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