I Swore I’d Never Fake An Orgasm But Then it Became Routine

I always thought it was ridiculous to fake an orgasm and when I started having sex, I swore to myself I would never do it. Little did I know that in time, I’d be faking it every single time.

It started the very first time I had sex. I was really excited to lose my virginity—a little nervous, of course, but mostly just excited. I remember thinking, “It’s finally happening! Yes!” right before things really got underway, and then… nothing. It didn’t feel very good at all, and it was actually pretty boring. Suddenly, I could tell he was getting close to finishing. Without thinking, I began to moan and shake. It was easier than I thought, but it was the fact that it felt like a natural response that really took me by surprise. WTF?

Faking orgasms set a miserable precedent in my relationships One of the biggest problems with faking orgasms is that it sends your partner the message that you’re sexually satisfied when nothing could be further from the truth. Once you start doing this, even once,  any attempts to change or improve things become near impossible. After all, in your partner’s mind, they’ve already satisfied you, so something they’ve done before must be worth doing again, right? I fell into deep sexual frustration with my relationships as a result, and it wasn’t fair to me or my partners.

It may have even ruined one of my relationshipsWith one boyfriend, the sex really wasn’t bad, and everything else besides that was going really well. However, I still was faking it every time. But things were great outside the bedroom, I tried to convince myself that I was fine never having orgasms with my partner and that I’d fake it ’til I died if I had to. But in the end, I just couldn’t keep living the lie and my sexual anguish did leak out. I did still fake it, but my frustration manifested itself in other ways outside of the bedroom, and he just thought that I stopped being into him. Sadly, I was too embarrassed (and too afraid of hurting him) to tell him the truth.

I only stopped faking it once I started giving up on the relationship. In the beginning, I think the faking always started out of some natural desire to make my partner think sex with me was awesome, but as time went on, it became more about keeping up standards (and appearances). Then one day I’d find myself just not doing it for some reason. Then it’d happen again… and again. Soon, my fake cries of pleasure were nowhere to be found. I eventually realized that I always stopped faking it when I was starting to sense too many problems and instabilities in the relationship.

My current boyfriend is the only person I’ve never faked it with. The good news is that I no longer fake orgasms at all. For some reason, it just didn’t feel right or natural the first time I slept with my current boyfriend. Instead, he made it clear early on that he really wanted us both to have a good time, and for the first time ever, I believed that he cared whether or not I got off. I orgasm pretty regularly during sex now, but the great thing is that even when I don’t, I feel totally comfortable not faking it. It feels great to finally be genuine.

I used to think I’d never be able to orgasm with another person. I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now, but I’m still shocked that he manages to make me orgasm so often. I mean, right before I started dating him, I was completely resigned to the fact that I would just never enjoy sex as much as the guys I was with and that any orgasm of mine would have to be done solo. Maybe this sounds silly, but being proven wrong about this opened me up to all kinds of other relationship experiences. He continues to surprise in all kinds of ways, both in and out of the bedroom, on a regular basis.

I wish I could tell my exes that I faked my orgasms, but I don’t know that it’d do any good now. I think we all have things we’d still like to say to our exes but know that it’s best to just let it go. Sure, telling the guys I’ve dated that I faked every orgasm might make me feel better, and hey, it might even prompt them to start revising their treatment of women in bed, but I know that’s really just wishful thinking. In reality, telling them would likely just cause a lot of unnecessary hurt.

I did find out later on that my ex’s next girlfriend also faked it. I haven’t talked about this with many people, but I did randomly become good friends later on with the girl who dated one of my ex-boyfriends after me (like mine, her relationship with him was also short lived). One day she cautiously brought up the subject of how he was in bed, and we were both relieved to find out that our experiences had been pretty much the same. Still, I guess this is also kind of sad, when you think about it. I wonder if he’s still out there, thinking he’s way better at pleasing women than he actually is…

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