It’s more than likely that you’ve been on your fair share of first dates. Sometimes they can be absolute perfection. After all, it’s a good excuse to try a new bar or restaurant and learn a lot about someone new who could eventually be important to you. But sometimes you can’t help but find yourself looking at your watch, wondering why you didn’t figure out the perfect exit plan ahead of time. Whether you’ve known the guy for a while or met at a bar and aren’t quite sure what he looks like in the light of day, first dates, much like a box of cheap chocolates, leave lots of room for surprises. Here are six types of guys you’ll likely go out with once – and then never again.
The Failed Comedian.
There’s a reason this guy isn’t famous yet and probably never will be. While he thinks that he’s the next Andy Samberg, the reality is that he’s more of an Adam Sandler (Sandler his latest movies, not Billy Madison era). At first, you think he’s amusing enough to entertain you for the next couple of cocktails. Unfortunately, after one drink and numerous failed punchlines, you’re ready to pay for his next couple of improv classes if it means he’ll stop doing stand-up for you.
The (Former) Frat Star.
This guy can’t stop talking about his glory days, and by the end of the night you feel like you could identify everyone in his crew by their nicknames. Even though graduation day was years ago, he’s still not over it. It’s one thing to reminisce about college memories, but another to talk about the fraternity party he recently attended or what it’s like to return to campus to haze the pledges. This frat bro still takes his college days seriously, even if he can’t exactly remember all of them.
This guy is only interested in getting it in, which is made obvious when he doesn’t ask you anything about yourself, other than where you live. After only hanging out for a couple of hours, you made a great escape, but it didn’t stop him from consistently texting you “Your place or mine?” every single Saturday after midnight, until you eventually block his number (because no matter how thirsty you get, you’ll never give in). While “The Douche” is a funny character on Parks & Recreation, in real life you feel sleazy just hanging out with him. Even though you shower the second you get home, you’re still left wondering if all guys are this slimy.
The Southern Gent
. He’s good looking, he’s not horrible to be around, and you imagine that his southern drawl will be romantic like Gone with the Wind, minus the whole minor incest scenario. Unfortunately, you find it more grating than gratifying. He brought his koozie on your date, which is at a casual happy hour because it proves the beer buckets he craves. If you’re seeing him in the summer, he’s wearing seersucker and a shirt with some type of fish on it (in fact, if you found him on Tinder he 100% had photos of him fishing, tailgating, and hunting, probably all at once). If your date goes down in the fall, he’s busy setting his line up secretly on his phone the entire time, assuming you won’t notice. Neither option is enjoyable, but at least you pick up some southern slang.
The Forever Student.
You thought you would be fine with someone still in school, because it’s not like you graduated 100 years ago. The truth is that you’re on completely different pages. You’re tired from your 9-to-5, and he’s ready to stay out all night drinking and talking about his classes. While you loved college, there comes a time when everyone needs to graduate.
The Argumentative A Hole.
No matter what you say, he disagrees with it. Whether he’s morally against what you do or just hates every band you’ve ever loved, nothing you say will win. By the end of the night, you feel like you’ve been a couple for years — not because you’re madly in love, but because you’re bickering like an old married couple.
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