Do you go a little over the top when getting to know someone new? Here are some red flags to spot in yourself so you can remember your worth instead of jump through hoops to get someone to like you.
You’re always “on.” You answer his texts and calls no matter what time of day or night it is, even if you have a busy morning the next day or you’re busy with your friends. Instead of impressing him by being there for him, you’re really telling him that you’ll be around whenever it’s convenient for him. You’re a queen, not a lapdog. Make sure he knows that right from the start!
You dish out compliments like oxygen. You tell him how gorgeous his hair looks or how he’s got great biceps. Yeah, you’re buttering him up, but it’s coming off a little too much like desperation. Remember, less is more—and feels more genuine.
You try to get in with his friends. You meet his friends and hit it off with them. By the end of the evening, you’ve asked them for their names so you can connect on Facebook. You also start following them on Twitter and Instagram. Whoa, slow down! It just looks like you’re trying too hard instead of letting things develop naturally.
You always text first. No matter what happens, you’re always the first one to text him. Maybe you do so to check in to see how his day’s going or you want to share something interesting you saw online. Although your enthusiasm can be awesome, it can sadly also look OTT. You want him to meet you halfway and think of texting you first sometimes too, otherwise, you’re doing all the chasing here.
You talk about things that don’t usually interest you. He’s into politics and philosophy, and now that he’s in your life, those are the things that you find yourself talking about. You don’t have to be a clone of him to get him. In fact, that’s a guaranteed way to repel him!
You change your appearance. It’s normal to want to look your best before a hot date with him but you’re supposed to be yourself. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. It’s just not worth it and shows that you don’t love yourself. That’s a turn-off.
You don’t ask for help. When you’re going through a difficult time, you hide it from view of the guy you’re dating. You want to seem perfect all the time which isn’t only unhealthy, it’s impossible. You’re not a robot. Besides, if you never show your vulnerabilities, you can’t learn to trust each other.
You try to keep up appearances so you don’t seem moody. You don’t always have to be fun and carefree unless you’re a member of the Brady Bunch. If you’re not in the mood to smile, so what? Be real! If he can’t handle that you’re a real person with real feelings, then he’s crazy.
You’re always free. He wants to see you at midnight and you drag yourself out of bed. He wants to see you during your lunch break even though you’re busy, so you rush through traffic to see him so that you can get to the office on time. Geez! Putting in so much effort just sends him the message that you’ll do whatever it takes to have him.
You buy him a gift. It’s not always easy to know when it’s a reasonable time after meeting someone to give them a gift, but if you’re bringing him something after just a few dates, it can give him the impression that you’re trying to buy his love. Remember, you don’t have to be loved for what you do but for who you are.
You apologize first. No matter what happened to make you and your guy fight or who started the argument, you’re always the one to say you’re sorry. Although it can be good to focus on making up and having peace in your relationship, this just tells him that you’re willing to lie down so he can walk all over you. Like hell you are!
You fit into his life. You’re always willing to go the extra mile to see him, even if that means putting your schedule aside so you can prioritize his. SMH. That’s no way to learn to compromise with someone. You’re just setting yourself up to get taken advantage of, instead of liked – yup, you’re killing his interest in you without even realizing it.
You laugh at his unfunny jokes. Yeah, it can be awkward when the guy you’re dating cracks a joke that you don’t find funny. To alleviate the discomfort, you might laugh anyway. This boosts his ego and you might think that’s what he wants, to know that he can make you laugh, but at what price? It’s so much better to mean your belly laughs instead of fake them— and he’ll probably be able to tell when you’re faking anyway. It’s not a good idea to go there.
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