8 Ways Your Search For “Happily Ever After” Is Destroying Your Happiness

It’s something many of us have dreamed of since we were little girls: a happily ever after just like the fairytales, complete with our own Prince Charming. It’s a sweet little dream, but expecting everything to be magical and refusing to accept anything less could be keeping you from finding something that may not be perfect but might be just as wonderful as a storybook ending.

Fairytales are just fairytales. Yes, they’re dreamy and make us all wistful and excited about meeting our handsome prince and galloping away on a white horse to our castle in the clouds. However, fairytales are simply just that. Real life is hardly like storybooks and real love isn’t all kings and queens and magic love spells. Expecting your future relationship to be flawless is not only unrealistic, it’s impossible. If you’re relentlessly searching for perfection and running at the first sign of a challenge, you could be missing out on an amazing relationship.

Your prince charming doesn’t have to be perfect. There is a man out there who will fight for you, and who will love you like no other. However, just because he’s amazing doesn’t mean he’s perfect. Your prince might snore. He might play too many video games. You may get in a healthy argument every now and then. That doesn’t mean he isn’t a prince, though. As long as he treats you right and makes you happy, that’s all he needs to be royalty.

Good kings and queens rule equally. I think as women we all get into the mindset at some point that our partners have to treat us like princesses in order to be good enough for us. Sure, it’s fun to be spoiled and admired, but to be honest, it gets old really fast. There is a way that your partner can care for you while also making sure their own needs are met. There should be a balance of power and importance in a relationship. You would never want your partner to feel as if they’re always having to bend over backward to make you happy while never receiving the same courtesy from you.

Fairytale romances are way too much pressure. No one can be happy all the time. We’re human. We get upset. We get sad, sometimes for no reason at all. If you insist on a “perfect” relationship, how is it going to feel when problems inevitably arise? Will you and your partner be able to deal with it like normal adults, or will you simply try to ignore your issues and sweep them under the rug because you can’t let go of the “magical” image you’ve built up in your own minds?

You’re not always going to look perfect to the world. Image is everything to a lot of people and it’s no surprise that with the growing obsession with social media, we often feel the pressure to always have this cookie-cutter image on display for everyone who follows us. Your friends might think that you and your guy are the “perfect couple,” and while it’s a flattering compliment, it’s going to make you feel the need to constantly put up a front and prove to everyone around you that you’re living the relationship dream. That’s exhausting and frankly impossible.

Happy endings that occur despite adversity are more interesting anyway. Even fairytales have ups and downs. Things are great, then the tough stuff happens, an inevitable struggle ensues, and then the good guys end up on top. That’s exciting. That’s heartwarming. Stories that have no conflict and are simply easy and face no obstacles are boring. While it’s safer and might feel good to always be on the easy street with your relationship, struggles teach us what we’re made of. Hardships show us what our relationship is overcoming and make us turn to our partner for the kind of love and support that is needed to survive tragedy and difficulties. You might even be grateful for the problems, as crazy as that sounds.

The damsel in distress act isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Princesses in storybooks are usually delicate little flowers who need a big, strong man to save them. That’s not you. You’re a fierce, independent woman and the only reason you’re with someone is that you want to be, not because you need them. You don’t need to wait around for the redeeming kiss of a lover for your life to begin. You’ve already got a life and you’ve got a bright future ahead of you with or without the prince. You need a partner who won’t try to control or conceal you. You need someone who will encourage you to be strong and go after what you want in life. He’ll support your dreams and you’ll support his. He won’t rescue you, you’ll rescue each other.

There is beauty in the mess of real life. The arguing, the imperfection, the challenges, and the struggle are all a part of your unique love story. Everyone has fantasies, but when it comes down to it, the things that make life hard are what make us better people. The messiness of the real world can be invigorating and provide us with some of the best memories. As long as you and your partner treat each other well and remember that you’re a team and support each other, there’s no reason that your imperfect and crazy life together can’t feel like the world’s sweetest fairytale.

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