Relationships Aren’t For Me—I’m A Way Better Person When I’m Single

You know how there are those people who say their partner makes them a better person? Yeah, that’s definitely not me. It’s not my partner’s fault, but I really am a much better person when I’m single. Here are 10 ways I fail myself in relationships and why I’m always the worst version of myself when I’m in one:

The Most Gym Action I See is the Monthly Charge on my Bank Account. For the past 15 months, a $56 charge has hit my bank account every month, reminding me that, once again, I’ve yet to step foot in the place since I signed up. Not sure if I feel like I don’t need to look good anymore, don’t feel like I have the time, laziness, or a combination of all three but every single time I get in a relationship, all thoughts of the gym are just that—thoughts. When I’m single, nothing stops me from getting there to get my workout in. Crack of dawn? Check. Two-hour gym routine? Check. Boyfriend? Uncheck.

Sweatpants are My Clothing of Choice. Despite having umpteen other choices, sweatpants are my go to starting at about month two of the relationship. Literally, the concept of forming an actual outfit that makes sense is no longer a capability of my relationship brain. Sometimes I’ll do my hair or put on makeup. You can bet I almost always have yoga pants or sweatpants on, though.

I Eat Like a 15-Year-old Boy. Every time I get into a relationship, I take on the appetite and metabolism of a 15-year-old boy… mentally. Physically, I’m still in my 30-year-old woman’s body but I seem to forget that. Therefore, anytime my boyfriend wants to eat fried food all day, every day and 10 meals a day, I’m like, “Yeah, sure, I could eat.” My stomach does not know how to say no. When I’m single, I tend to save money, which means eating out less and cooking more, which usually means way healthier food.

Hobbies are hobbies even if I don’t do them, right? If I say I like doing something but don’t actually do it that still counts, right? I seem to forget the things I like to do when I get in a relationship. I’m such a fun person when I’m single, trying new things, getting outside, taking up hobbies. When I’m in a relationship, the couch and Netflix seem to be the only hobby on my mind. Well, sweatpants and eating count too, of course.

I Spend Money Like A Boss. For someone that just wants to stay home and chill, I sure do spend money like I have a counterfeit machine in the basement. I’ll do whatever it takes to make someone happy even it means spending above my means. Meanwhile, single me is over there giving myself a ridiculous budget and actually sticking to it.

I’m Suddenly Five Years Old Again. For whatever reason, I seek constant approval from my significant other. I constantly ask his opinion of things that I normally wouldn’t feel the need to get. Decisions I would happily and thoughtlessly make on my own became these major ordeals. It’s a total mess.

My Dreams Start Mattering Less and Less. When I’m single, my dreams are the most important thing to me. I budget and save for them, I plan everything around them, and they tend to consume me. Once I’m in a relationship, they just turn into things on my dream board instead of actual tangible goals. There are now two people’s dreams to think of and my desire to please naturally leads to me helping my partner’s dream become a reality instead of prioritizing my own ambitions.

I Fail Destiny’s Child. I start referring to things as “we” instead of “me” and lose pretty much all of my independent woman swagger. There’s definitely a fine line between including someone in your plans and future but I seem to stray far onto the other side of that line. I definitely become less of an independent woman and start depending on my significant other and what “our” plans are instead of planning my own future and plans.

My Social Life Gets Replaced with Hermit Life. We all know those people who get in a relationship and you never see them again, right? It’s totally me. My already busy life adds another person and suddenly I have to start saying no to something and it usually comes at the expense of my social life.

I Turn into a Maid in a Frat House. When I’m single, I feel like I am a naturally clean and organized person but when I get into relationships, I’m constantly cleaning up after my significant other. I feel like a maid trying to clean up a frat house. How many cups does one person need to use in a given day? I wake up in the morning and pick up at least two to four glasses that my boyfriend used the night before and just left on the living room floor. Also, how exactly do men do their laundry when they don’t have a girlfriend? In three years, mine has never been able to find the laundry room or the dirty clothes basket.

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