Sex can be weird. You might think you know what’s going to happen, but the human body doesn’t always do exactly what you want it to. Add in the unpredictability of a one night stand and there’s guaranteed to be an awkward moment or two. Hopefully most of the time pleasure outweighs those awkward moments, but they are bound to happen anyway. The best thing you can do is give your hookup the benefit of the doubt, and press on. If they’re cool, they’ll do the same for you. On the other hand, sometimes it’s best to just cut your losses and get outta there.
Your place or mine?
The logistics of pulling off the one night stand can often be more complicated than the actual sex. He lives with his parents? That’s out. Your roommate isn’t home on Monday’s and Wednesdays, should you hold off until then? But she’s out of town this weekend. Problem solved!
Who has the condom?
When he uses every trick in the book to not have to use a condom, that makes it even worse. The danger of an unwanted pregnancy or an STI tends to kill the mood. Nip that in the bud by always having one of your own.
You didn’t lock the door?!
There’s nothing worse than his roommate coming barging in, turning on the glaring overhead light, and then standing there like it’s no big deal he just saw you butt naked on top of his buddy.
Was that a fart?
Sure, gas happens whether it’s a one night stand or not, but it’s so much worse when you barely know the person. Or maybe it’s no big deal because you’ll never see them again? Nope. Farts are embarrassing. No getting around it.
Do we chat first or just get down to business?
Do I really need to pretend I’m interested in his graphic novel collection, or can I just take off my bra and get this thing started?
Do I sleep here, or sneak out after he passes out?
Avoiding the (probably hungover) moment where you wake up to some guy’s back entirely is usually preferable. Your escape route should be established before you take off your clothes, if you want to make things as efficient as possible.
He lasts a solid 45 seconds.
Seriously? That’s it?! Is there still time to make it back to the bar for last call?
That’s not my name.
You could have sworn he said his name was Matt. Apparently not. Oh well, he’s been calling you by the wrong name this entire time too, you just had the decency not to correct him and embarrass him horribly.
So, can I… uh.. get your number?
You had no intention of ever seeing this guy again, and now you have to let him down easy with no time to prepare your “it’s not you, it’s me” face.
There are the rare unicorn one night stands that leave you completely satisfied, but in general a drunken romp with someone you barely know isn’t going to be the best sex of your life. Unfortunately, what’s done is done, and hopefully you end up with a good story to tell your friends.
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