How does a relationship die? Sometimes we just end up with the wrong person at the wrong time. However, most relationships die because both partners developed some problematic behaviors and tendencies early on. If you want to keep your connection strong, you need to make sure you don’t have any of these bad habits that kill relationships.
- You assume the worst. If your partner comes home 15 minutes later than usual. Do you immediately wonder if he’s cheating on you? Suspicion will kill your relationship faster than your mind can think up fake scenarios. Remember, innocent until proven guilty. Of course, there are some obvious signs of cheating out there, but you really don’t need to be on high alert 24/7. It will start to really wear on you and your partner.
- You don’t acknowledge your partner when you come home from work. A sure sign that you’ve had a communication breakdown is when you don’t even say hello when you or your partner comes home. How do you fix this? By making a bigger deal out of it! Say hi. Welcome them back home. Give them a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. After you do this for a few days, mention that you want to make it a tradition, and ask (nicely) if they’ll do the same for you.
- You tear yourself down constantly. Ever heard of a Debbie Downer? That’s a nickname for someone who is constantly bringing down the mood. Even if you have issues with self-esteem, your partner can’t handle too many complaints about your body. Either you need to start complimenting yourself, so your partner can heartily agree that you look smoking hot, or you need to stay quiet about it until you can find a therapist. Don’t expect your partner to fix all of that for you.
- You disagree with your partner about money. Arguments about money are the second highest cause of divorce in America. When it comes to money in a relationship, you can’t treat it all so personally. If your partner wants you to stop spending, that’s not a personal attack. Treat money in your relationship like a business. Make a budget, plan for your expenses, and work together. No shouting allowed.
- You have more screen time on your phone than quality time with your partner. I get it, you have an internet life. We all do. But if you’re in a relationship right now, your partner should be number one in your life. If you have over 4 hours of screen time on your phone, and you feel like your relationship is dying, guess what? You need to unplug. In a calm moment, talk to your partner about a time every day when you can both go screen-free. Maybe for an hour after dinner, you can reserve time to chat or go for a walk or just sit with each other, without phones.
- You tell white lies. Just like snowflakes can turn into a blizzard, over time, white lies build up into trust issues. Why do you feel the need to tell your partner lies? Is there something about yourself that you need to change? Or is there a deeper issue where you’re keeping secrets from them? No matter what the cause, white lies are harmful, even if they don’t feel like it at first. When you catch yourself telling a white lie, it’s okay to admit, “actually, I was wrong, I should have said x.” It’s better to admit that you lied and then tell the truth, instead of your partner finding out the truth on their own.
- You never resolve arguments. If you and your partner get into a fight, that’s not a good sign in itself. You should have enough open communication so that issues are resolved before they explode into a fight. But if you do get into an argument, how does it end? Do you both storm off and avoid each other for as long as possible, hoping that they’ll just forget about it after a few hours? To strengthen your relationship, make sure to calmly resolve every argument, instead of just letting them fester. Compromise when you can, and apologize if you lose your temper.
- You give hints instead of saying what you mean. There is nothing quite as annoying as someone who just hints at what they want. Your boyfriend is not a mind reader. If you want him to give you a hug, ask for it! Do you wish he would help out more around the house? In a calm moment, bring it up and try to reach a compromise. Your partner won’t be able to help you if they don’t know what you want. And let’s be real– guys don’t really pick up on hints that well. So if you need something, ask for it!
- You poke fun at your partner’s appearance. Remember when your mom would say, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all?” Well, that’s what this step is all about. Even if you’re just teasing, it can be really hurtful to your partner if you’re constantly making comments about their looks. Also, be careful of criticizing their clothing, since some people just have a different fashion style than you do, and that’s okay.
- You leave your partner to fend for themselves. In a loving and healthy relationship, you and your partner will take care of each other. When your boyfriend gets sick, do you make him some homemade soup? When you’re watching a movie, do you share the popcorn? This also goes for the big things too. If your partner is going through a rough time, how do you make them feel loved and supported? There’s a difference between letting your partner be their own person and leaving them to fend for themselves. Remember, you started dating this person for a reason. You love them, even if it seems a bit rocky right now. So take care of your partner, and let them see how much you care about them as a person.
