Let’s get one thing straight: narcissism is a specific thing. It’s a clinical term, a personality disorder that wreaks havoc in the lives of those who are unlucky enough to be caught in its orbit. But, more often than not, the behaviors we attribute to narcissism are really just plain selfishness—something we all partake in from time to time. It’s time to cut through the noise and have an honest conversation about the behaviors that get miscategorized. Some of them might even hit a little too close to home.
1. Taking Credit For Work You Didn’t Do
Let’s talk about a classic one: claiming glory for something that wasn’t yours to claim. People throw the “narcissist” label around when someone takes credit for others’ ideas, but in truth, it’s just a selfish person’s play to get ahead. Sure, there might be an inflated sense of self-worth behind it, but in most cases, it’s just about positioning oneself as more important. It’s the adult version of “I’m better than you, and I deserve to be praised.” Narcissism? Not quite—this one’s just selfish ambition at its finest.
We’ve all worked with that person who will nod along in a meeting, say very little, and then later repeat someone else’s idea as their own. They often don’t do it out of deep-rooted malice, but rather out of a need to be seen as indispensable. It’s not narcissism; it’s a lack of empathy, a disregard for others, and an overwhelming desire to stay relevant. According to Carleton College, plagiarism erases the efforts and accomplishments of others and undermines the purpose of academic assignments by defeating intellectual challenges meant for personal growth.
2. Flipping The Script When Things Go Wrong
Ever noticed how some people will point fingers at everyone else when things fall apart? It’s not always narcissism at play—sometimes it’s just a person who is too self-centered to take accountability. When things go wrong, they’ll shift blame to anyone around them to avoid being seen as the culprit. The narcissist label often gets tossed around because they seem like they refuse to acknowledge their faults, but the reality is simpler: they’re just not willing to put others’ needs above their ego.
Instead of owning up to their mistakes, these individuals throw out every possible scapegoat. It’s less about manipulating others and more about preserving their image. According to LinkedIn, blaming others often stems from a desire to avoid personal responsibility, protect one’s self-image, or retain control in difficult situations. This behavior can lead to strained relationships and hinder personal growth.
3. Constantly One-Upping Everyone
We’ve all been there—the conversation where someone simply can’t resist topping your story with their own, grander version. This doesn’t necessarily mean they’re narcissists; often, it’s a person desperate for attention. Every time you share a little victory, they’re there to make sure their own seems even better. The desire to always be in the spotlight doesn’t always come from a grandiose self-image—it’s often about feeding a fragile ego.
Constantly one-upping others is a play for validation. While a narcissist might go the extra mile to manipulate and control a situation for their benefit, the person who one-ups is usually just seeking reassurance that they matter. They’re not looking to control you—they’re looking to make themselves feel bigger. Selfish? Absolutely. Narcissism? Not really. According to Hack Spirit, one-upping often annoys people because it makes others feel like their accomplishments are less impressive or exciting.
4. Withholding Affection To Get What You Want
Emotional manipulation often gets misclassified as narcissism, especially when someone uses affection or attention as a bargaining chip. While it’s true that narcissists will use people to get what they need, not all people who withhold affection are narcissistic. Some are simply selfish, using love as a tool to manipulate others into giving them what they want. This behavior is more about control than a deep-rooted belief in their superiority.
When someone withholds affection, it’s often because they believe they’re in a position of power and don’t want to give anything away unless it benefits them. According to PsychCentral, withholding affection can be a tactic used to test or manipulate a partner’s behavior, often stemming from insecurity or relational dynamics rather than narcissistic entitlement.
5. Being Overly Protective Of Your Time
People who guard their time like it’s a precious commodity might get labeled as narcissistic, but in reality, they might just be selfish. It’s easy to mistake this kind of boundary-setting as a sign of a grandiose self-image. But the truth is, some people are just so self-absorbed that they don’t realize the value of others’ time. They won’t hesitate to cancel plans at the last minute or ignore others’ needs because, to them, their time is the most important thing.
While a narcissist might do this out of a sense of entitlement, someone who’s selfish is just doing it out of a lack of consideration. Their world revolves around their needs and desires, and anything else is secondary. They’ll protect their time not because they think they deserve special treatment, but because they’re too consumed with their schedule to accommodate others.
6. Speaking Over Others In Conversations
If you’ve ever been in a conversation with someone who constantly interrupts, you know how draining it can be. While this may seem like a narcissistic need to dominate, in most cases, it’s just pure selfishness. The person doing the talking isn’t necessarily looking to make you feel small—they’re simply so focused on themselves that they can’t wait their turn. They’re not actively manipulating you, but they are disregarding your right to speak.
Interrupting is often a sign of someone who values their voice far more than yours. They don’t need to feel superior—they just need to feel heard. It’s not about control; it’s about making sure they get what they need out of the conversation, even if it means talking over everyone else. It’s selfishness disguised as an unconscious habit.
7. Failing To Recognize Other People’s Success
We’ve all experienced that person who refuses to acknowledge someone else’s achievements, whether it’s in the workplace or in life. While narcissism certainly involves a lack of empathy, this behavior can often be attributed to selfishness. The person may not be consciously devaluing your success because they feel superior—they’re simply so focused on their own goals and ambitions that they can’t see beyond them. Their inability to celebrate you comes from a place of not wanting to share the spotlight.
It’s not about trying to diminish you; it’s about their desperate need to keep their sense of importance intact. Their failure to recognize your success isn’t a narcissistic move, it’s just a selfish, tunnel-visioned mindset that prioritizes their growth and achievements above all else. They’ll go to great lengths to avoid acknowledging others because it might make them feel insignificant.
8. Keeping Score In Relationships
When someone constantly keeps track of favors or exchanges in a relationship, it can feel a lot like narcissism. But in truth, it’s simply selfishness—an inability to offer something without expecting something in return. They’ll remind you of every favor they’ve ever done, making sure they’re always ahead on the scorecard. It’s not a need for admiration, but rather a lack of genuine care or understanding for what the other person might need.
Keeping score is a defense mechanism—a way to feel validated without ever giving without expectation. It’s selfishness dressed up in transactional terms. While narcissists want validation for their superiority, these individuals just want to ensure they’re getting a fair return on their investment. And that’s not narcissism—that’s just basic self-interest.
9. Using People As Tools For Personal Gain
We’ve all met someone who only reaches out when they need something. And while we might be quick to label them as narcissists, they’re often just people who see others as stepping stones for their success. Narcissism is about believing you’re entitled to others’ time and resources; selfishness is about using people without any real regard for their feelings or well-being. These people don’t expect adoration—they just want what they can get from you.
Whether it’s asking for a favor or calling only when they need something, their lack of empathy can be mistaken for narcissistic behavior. But in truth, they’re just looking for ways to further their agenda, and they’ll do it at the expense of others’ time. It’s about convenience, not control. It’s about using people as tools, not as sources of admiration.
10. Always Putting Your Own Comfort First
There’s a fine line between self-care and selfishness. When someone consistently prioritizes their comfort over everyone else’s, it can come off as narcissistic. But it’s just a person who is too consumed with their well-being to consider the needs of those around them. It’s not that they think they’re better than you—they just can’t be bothered to accommodate your needs.
Selfishness doesn’t always come from a place of arrogance. Sometimes, it’s just a lack of awareness. These individuals don’t go out of their way to hurt others—they simply don’t go out of their way to help. Their world is centered around them, not because they believe they deserve special treatment, but because they can’t see past their comfort zone.
