When it comes to birthdays, 21 is pretty much the last one that means anything significant. After that, you’re just creeping closer and closer to the big 3-0. Turning 30 has a way of forcing you to examine your life, and the people in it, a lot more closely. And of course that includes your relationship status. If you’re about to reach that milestone and you’re still rolling solo, you’ve likely had these thoughts:
- “Why did I waste my mid-twenties dating that loser?” Of the people who are settling down around the 30 mark, most of them seem to have found their “forever” significant other around their mid-20s. They were finished school and starting to get a career going, and the serious relationship thing was another facet of “getting their lives together.” But if you’re single when you turn 30, you probably had a failed relationship or two that you wish now you hadn’t spent so much time clinging to.
- “I know I’m not the only single person left, but why does it seem like I am?” Common sense and the sheer number of profiles on any dating site are proof that there are still plenty of single fish in the sea. But why is it when you ask your (all taken) friends to set you up, no one knows anyone else who’s single? Or when you work up the courage to talk to the cute guy at work, you find out he’s married? Sure, they are single people there, just never the ones you want.
- “I refuse to go to another wedding while I’m single.” Bitter defiance is a common knee-jerk reaction to the social media oversharing of all your blissfully happy “in a relationship” acquaintances. You’ll go to another wedding. In fact you’ll probably be in a couple. Just accept it.
- “Maybe I’m just meant to be alone.” Anyone who’s been single for a prolonged length of time or hasn’t had much luck in the dating department thinks this at some point. Luckily, there’s no deadline for finding love. It’s not like the universe will cut you off the second you turn 30 with a sneer and a, “Sorry, you snooze you lose!”
- “Do I want kids?” For a lot of women, the having kids question is put on hold until they meet someone who has the ability to influence their decision one way or another. Either that or there were just so many other things to worry about that having kids is out of the question anyway. Thirty seems to be the time to actually make a decision, and if you’re single, it’s not a simple one.
- “How badly do I want kids?” At 30 there’s still plenty of hope for finding the right guy to have kids with, especially if you’re fine with either having them or not having them. But if you know for sure your life won’t be complete if you don’t birth a couple rugrats, you actually might have to start considering alternatives, and whether being a single mom is a viable option.
- “This isn’t how I thought my life would turn out.” When you’re young, you think falling in love and maintaining a happy relationship will be a piece of cake — which it clearly isn’t. There’s a lot of learning to do, and unfortunately there will always be things you can’t control. Hopefully you at least used your 20’s to figure out what you don’t want.
- “There’s no way 30 is the new 20.” People are always going on about how your 30s are way better than your 20s and you have nothing to worry about. But for a 29-year-old, that looming 30th birthday is like looking down the barrel of a gun. Until you experience it yourself, you can’t possibly know how you’re going to feel about it.
- “At least I have (insert consolation prize here)”. In your almost 30 years of life, you’ve probably accomplished a thing or two. Whether it’s landing your dream job and paying off your debt, lots of traveling or building a solid social network (or all three), you should be proud of the things you’ve done. You still have plenty more time to have it all, so cut yourself some slack —there’s more to life than finding love.
- “Maybe I should lower my standards.” It’s inevitable — as you get older, your standards are going to change. But clearly if you’re about to turn 30 and you’re still single, that hasn’t worked out quite the way you’d hoped. Try to stay strong — it’s not a bad thing to know what you want.
