10 Critical Questions You MUST Ask Your Partner

You might think you know everything you need to know about your partner, but if you want to ensure you have long-term potential and that you really are with “The One,” there some questions you should be asking. According to new research out of the University of Exeter, you need the answers to these 10 to really know if your relationship is built to last.

  1. Are we actually a good fit? This is perhaps the most important question of all. No matter how much you love your partner and really want to make things work with them, if you’re not a good fit, there’s no amount of love in the world that can help you thrive together long-term.
  2. Do we have a strong friendship foundation? Sure, you’re attracted to each other romantically, and that’s important, but it’s equally important that you’re friends too and that you actually love and appreciate each other’s company. The sex won’t always be hot and heavy and romance will wax and wane. Having a friendship is what will save you during those times.
  3. Do we want the same things from love and life? Again, if you’re not traveling down the same road, your paths will eventually diverge and you’ll realize you lost each other somewhere along the way. That, or one of you will compromise on your goals, needs, and desires, which is guaranteed to breed resentment.
  4. Do we have realistic expectations? You might know what you want out of your partner and your relationship, but are those desires actually realistic? Are your standards normal and appropriate or are they impossible to live up to?
  5. Are we able to see the best in each other? Your partner is a human being and, like you, that means they’re imperfect. There’s beauty in this, but it also means sometimes you’ll be angry, disappointed, or confused by things they do and say. The ability to give the benefit of the doubt and see the best in each other is paramount for long-term relationship harmony.
  6. Are we both putting in the work to keep our relationship strong? There’s nothing worse than the feeling of being taken advantage of in a relationship, particularly in terms of the amount of effort and energy you’re putting into it. You cannot keep a relationship afloat on your own and you shouldn’t have to—it needs to be as close to 50/50 as possible (allowing, of course, for the times when life will make the scale a little less balanced).
  7. Can we talk openly and honestly about any issues or problems? You hear it all the time: communication is key. Whether at work, with friends and family, or with a romantic partner, not being able to talk frankly about your thoughts and feelings is the quickest way to ensure you become frustrated and resentful, and both you and your partner deserve better.
  8. Are we equally committed to working through any tough times? As above, you should not be the only one busting your butt to ensure that your relationship stays intact when life throws some terrible times your way. The whole point is to have someone to journey through life’s ups and downs with you, and if you’re both not on board with weathering potential storms in your relationship and outside of it, it’s over.
  9. Are we willing to be and capable of handling serious stress? We deal with so much stress on a daily basis: from work drama to family illnesses and everything in between, there are times when tensions are going to be high. Are you and your partner both capable of handling it without taking your stress out on each other or playing the blame game?
  10. Do we have supportive friends and family outside of our relationship? No couple should be together 24/7. You had other people in your life before you met your partner and you certainly should when you’re coupled up. Without this, you risk becoming isolated and incredibly unhappy.
Jennifer Still is a writer and editor with more than 10 years of experience. The managing editor of Bolde, she has bylines in Vanity Fair, Business Insider, The New York Times, Glamour, Bon Appetit, and many more. You can follow her on Twitter @jenniferlstill