Real talk: your 20s kind of suck. I’m super grateful for my best friends for getting me through the past few years of grad school, building my writing career, and attempting to find love. Those nights where you exchange gossip and wine can be more than just therapeutic and a way to get over bad dates — they can teach you some important stuff. Here are some dating lessons I’ve learned from my BFFs:
- You date at your own pace. What’s the rush? I have several single friends who have gone on tons of dating breaks because they just couldn’t face it, and that’s fine. I have other friends who seem to always be going on a date and hop from one relationship to another. It’s all good.
- If you’re not ready for love, don’t date. That’s not a bad thing — it’s totally fine to focus on your life and career and what you love to do. Who needs the dating headaches if you’re not into it? But don’t fill up your calendar with OKCupid dates just because you think you should.
- Never live in fantasy land. It’s hard to tell yourself that the person you thought would be yours forever has totally betrayed you, or that your relationship isn’t as amazing as you thought. But you owe it to yourself to say goodbye to the fantasy of true love and face your cold reality.
- It’s not a competition. I admit it: it totally sucks when I’ve had a steady stream of horrible first dates and one of my best friends goes on three dates with the same person in a week. But it’s ultimately not a competition. Sometimes you’re the one with the luck, sometimes you’re not. Eventually things even out (hopefully).
- You need to value yourself. Best friends can get you through the worst times but it’s not always easy being a best friend to someone else. I’ve watched so many friends let guys treat them like crap and refuse to break up with people who weren’t right for them. You 100 percent need to value yourself or you have no business even dating at all.
- Texting games are lame. What sucks more than being ghosted or dealing with a bad texter? Watching your friend go through it. If someone can’t make a quick plan or keeps you on hold, move on.
- You get what you ask for. If a guy makes you feel bad, that’s on you. Stop allowing it and stop being a doormat.
- Your fears are for nothing. When you’re forever solo, dating is a pretty scary thing. But what are you really so afraid of, and is it really going to happen? I’ve watched friends get totally freaked out about people they’ve dated, and in the end it either worked or it didn’t. No big deal.
- You have to get over yourself. After swearing to never go on Tinder, a friend is now happily seeing someone. Sometimes you’re your own worst enemy and you have to get out of your own way. You just might be thrilled at the outcome.
