You’re dating a seemingly great new guy but there are just a few problems. Whether he says he likes you or not, his behavior is telling you that he’s a time-waster and not worth yours. Here are some red flags to look out for.
He only texts you late at night. If you only get texts or calls from him after midnight and he’s not working or something as legitimately tying, something’s up. This is especially true if you make the effort to send those “good morning” texts and get no response until you’re in bed that night. Make sure you’re one of the people your guy thinks about (and talks to) the most, not the late-night afterthought. You’re better than that.
You don’t feel comfortable telling him what you’re really doing. When you do hear from him and he asks what you’re up to, do you feel comfortable telling him you’re eating dinner and watching reality TV? If you have to make up a class you’re supposedly attending at the gym and can’t admit you’re chillin’ in dirty sweatpants and haven’t showered yet today, you aren’t comfortable enough to stay with this guy.
He repeatedly avoids making real plans. If you keep dropping the “this event/place seems fun!” hints and you never get a firm invite to hang out, it may be time to start seeing someone who actually wants to see you too. If you never go anywhere and only see the inside of his apartment then it’s time to find someone who wants to show you off.
He doesn’t give you room to breathe. On the other end of the spectrum, if you can’t go 10 minutes without checking in with your new guy then it may be time for you to disappear altogether. You should have the freedom to say you’re out with friends without having to text him every hour. If he gets angry when you don’t answer, it’s time to run for the hills.
Your pets don’t like him. Animals have great instincts, and if you have pets, you know they’re your best friends who love you unconditionally. If your pet just doesn’t like your new guy after meeting him a few times and your guy isn’t making any effort to connect, side with the pet and kick the new guy into the doghouse. Make sure if animals are a part of your life, your new guy knows the pets are here to stay.
He won’t introduce you to his friends. When someone has a tight-knit group of friends that you’ve never met even after dating him for a few months, that’s a huge red flag. If he’s met your friends, you should be given the same privilege. Let him take his time, but after a few months, you should at least be introduced. If you’re shut down every time you suggest group activities, there may be a reason (and whatever it is, it’s not a good one).
You go days without hearing from him. You send your goodnight text on Monday and on Wednesday, you still haven’t heard anything. Anyone who wants to be with you should keep the conversation going in some way—and no, Snapchat doesn’t count. If he won’t make the effort to talk to you, he isn’t worth it. You know he had at least five free minutes in the day to say hi, he just didn’t want to.
It’s all physical, all the time. Even if he’s an amazing kisser and has eyes to die for, do you know anything real about him? Does he want to know anything about you? If you can’t tell anyone more than they could find out on Instagram then you either need to deepen the connection or move on. Anyone who just wants sexy pictures or casual meetups is not worth your time if you’re looking for a serious relationship.
He makes zero effort to impress you. If you come over to his apartment for dinner and he answers the door in scuffed flip flops and a stained shirt, you may need to turn around and leave. When you’re in the early stages of a relationship, he should be trying to make a good impression. While he doesn’t have to change who he is, he should make some effort to clean up for you. If he doesn’t, it’s because he clearly doesn’t care.
You feel like you have to change yourself. Everyone is nervous and on their best behavior for the first few dates. After that, you have to be able to be yourself. While it’s normal and polite to clean up your apartment before your new guy comes over, if you’re throwing all your personal stuff in the closet to make your place look like an Ikea showroom, you need to re-evaluate. You shouldn’t have to pretend to be something you aren’t.
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