10 Excuses Guys Make To Get Out Of Commitment

I know how this conversation goes. You bare your heart and make yourself vulnerable by asserting what you want out of this relationship, and suddenly the guy steps back like you’ve shot him and runs for the hills. I’m not the only one that has grown increasingly frustrated by men’s unwillingness to commit and their pathetic excuses. For those among us bitter enough to keep track of these things, here’s a comprehensive list of the best-worst excuses that guys have come up with to keep us at arm’s length and avoid commitment. You’d better get the wine out, friends…

  1. I’m looking for something casual. This is a bald-faced lie. This man wants to be spooned, cuddled, and have someone to validate him 24/7. What he doesn’t want is the sense of obligation that he thinks comes with the term “boyfriend.” He’s like your dad that doesn’t want a dog because it will “limit his flexibility” even though he hasn’t left the country for years. You know the type. He has this image of what commitment means in his mind put there by the media and porn industry and he’s entirely unwilling to correct it or educate himself. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He’ll act like you’ve been waiting in the bushes to trap him into a relationship. Sigh.
  2. I’m not ready to settle down. Here, he’s trying to be humble and kind, saying that it’s him and his boundaries that are dictating the relationship. However, this is often very hypocritical. While he gets jealous when you go out without him or talk to a new guy, he’ll act like those same rules don’t apply to him. Don’t be fooled by him pretending to assert his boundaries. This is often disguising lots of double standards if he’s preaching this after three months of hooking up.
  3. Would you consider being open? Hey, don’t get me wrong, polyamory is one of the most beautiful forms of relationships in the world. It doesn’t inherently mean that individuals aren’t capable of committing wholeheartedly to one another. The reality is, however, that the man speaking these words is barely capable of spelling polyamory, much less being educated on the nuances of the matter. In all likelihood, he’s using other people’s identities to conceal his own unwillingness to unpack what he wants out of a relationship. By adding more people to the equation, he thinks he’s going to find an answer, but all he’ll get is more confused.
  4. I have work in the morning. Ever tried to have a big conversation with your partner over the weekend? It’s funny how every time you ask “what are we?” he has work on a Sunday. It’s a “get out of jail free” card, but this isn’t Monopoly. This is real life, and adults sometimes have to have hard conversations. You have to be able to look your commitment issues in the eye in order to address them. If he won’t do that and insists on embarrassing excuses, then let him go.
  5. I’m emotionally unavailable. If ignorant men are irritating, then fake “self-aware” men are insufferable. They think that the slapdash deployment of therapizing buzzwords constitutes emotional understanding and self-deprecating humor. Don’t let his Philosophy degree mask the real mess lurking underneath all his big words.
  6. My ex messed me up. Any time a guy has a long list of ex-lovers that are all supposedly mad, crazed bitches, take a second and think: what is the common denominator? It’s him. He is telling the story and controlling the narrative, and if he uses his ex as a way of ignoring your emotions, he’s trash.
  7. I’m too busy with work. Hey dude, it’s 2021 – we all work. Get over it. At least you’re paid properly for it.
  8. It’s not you, it’s me. Hey, it’s basic, but it’s a classic excuse. They’re almost so overdone that anytime I encounter this phrase in the real world I have to stop and smile. Truly the bare minimum.
  9. It’s you, not me. So many men will try and avoid commitment with overbearing, toxic honesty. It’s not serving anyone, certainly not you, and they use it as a way of tearing you down to make themselves feel good about themselves. People honestly think this is an appropriate way to treat people, but just let them walk away. If they’re scared of commitment, that’s their issue.
  10. I’m popping out for milk. How many people’s dads said that before disappearing for a decade? Too soon?

No matter how it comes, we’ve all experienced something similar to this. Don’t take it to heart, all these guys clearly have loads of self-development to get through, and it’s not our job to do that. You will find the right relationship in time.


Hannah has a Masters degree in Romantic and Victorian literature in Scotland and spends her spare time writing anything from essays to short fiction about the life and times of the frogs in her local pond! She loves musical theatre, football, anything with potatoes, and remains a firm believer that most of the problems in this world can be solved by dancing around the kitchen to ABBA. You can find her on Instagram at @_hannahvic.