The 10 Most Exhausting Things About The Search For Love

Love is a game, and it can be pretty tiring to be a player. We worry about so much, from what to wear on a first date to the perfect time to text our crush to whether we’ll look desperate if we want to be someone’s girlfriend. Unfortunately, if we don’t want to resign ourselves to a life alone on our couch with Taylor Swift songs on repeat and Netflix on the screen, we have to get out there and date – even if it feels like it’s going to kill us. Here are the 10 most exhausting things about the search for love. Once you can survive them, you can literally survive anything — and you get a relationship out of the deal. Sounds pretty sweet.

  1. There are too many options. Raise your hand if you’re on Tinder… and OkCupid, and Plenty Of Fish. And the list goes on. The sheer number of popular dating apps and sites prove that while, yes, there are definitely plenty of fish in the sea, sometimes too much choice can be super stressful. How do you know this guy is worth a second date when you can just get back on Tinder and find someone else tomorrow? It’s all too easy to second guess ourselves. And that’s enough to make you want to crawl under your covers and never date ever again.
  2. There are no options. Raise your hand if you’re on Tinder etc and are struggling to find guys you actually want to meet. Quantity is not always quality when it comes to the mysterious world of online dating. The more choices we seem to think we have, the more it becomes clear that there aren’t really that many quality matches out there after all. When this fact makes you want to take a nap, remember this: you just need one person. That’s why they’re called The One, after all.
  3. Texting is a battlefield. If you never, ever stress out about that text you sent a guy five minutes ago that he hasn’t replied to, then congrats. You are a fully evolved person and you are amazing. But for the rest of us mere mortals, we spend more time than we would like to admit worrying about texting. Who needs that kind of anxiety? Life is crazy enough.
  4. Nothing in life (and love) is guaranteed. It would be so awesome if on every first date you went on would automatically turn into a second date and it was only up to you to decide if you were into that. Unfortunately, just because you like someone doesn’t mean they feel the same way, and that’s also true if you’ve been seeing someone for 3 months or 6 months or even two years. You may have visions of babies and marriage in your head and he is totally cool with things the way they are, or he’s not even invested in your coupledom at all.
  5. Almost relationships suck. There. I said it. There is literally nothing more annoying in the dating world – except maybe ghostingOkay, ghosting is pretty bad too. But if you’re in the market for a real commitment and the guys you’re seeing refuse to take that next step, you probably keep finding yourself in two-month situations that go nowhere. You spent all that time getting to know the person, finding common interests, picking the perfect date outfits, obsessing over those texts, etc. And now it’s over. Ugh.
  6. You overanalyze everything. Show me a girl who doesn’t do this and I will show you a liar. It’s not a gender thing, though – guys worry about first dates, too. Up until the point we’re secure in a relationship, we’re just going to think that everything good that’s happening must be bad, too. We’re wondering if his rescheduling drinks is a major red flag or just a fact of our busy, 24/7 work culture.
  7. Everyone else seems to have it so easy. Sure, your BFFs are right there in the Tinder trenches with you. But every day there’s a new engaged couple on your Facebook feed and everywhere you go there are PDA-happy couples. You wonder why you’re still single and why it’s so difficult for you.
  8. You have to keep trying. This is probably the most exhausting thing of all. If you want to date, you have to actively pursue that. If you want commitment, you have to hope that the guys you’re into feel the same way. There’s no way around it: finding love is hard work and you can’t quit until you get what you want.
  9. There’s no getting around the job interview factor. By now we’ve pretty much established that first dates can feel like job interviews. Except, of course, instead of getting the job and taking steps toward the career you’re dreaming of, you get a boyfriend. Unfortunately, no matter how great of a conversationalist you are, you’re going to end up asking and answering a lot of questions. If it sounds like an interview sometimes, you just can’t help it. That’s life.
  10. You’re one date away from never having to date ever again. Worrying about the future is definitely tiring, but if you think about it this way, you’ll be full of excitement about your next date. Who wouldn’t want to be cheerful and optimistic rather than resigned to the fact that it’s never going to work out? Change your attitude, put a smile on you face and keep going. You just might find The One sooner than you think.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.