10 Fears I Have Now That I’m Starting A New Relationship

10 Fears I Have Now That I’m Starting A New Relationship

Starting a relationship is scary for everyone, so it makes sense that I’m internally freaking out and thinking of every possible thing that could go wrong with the person I’ve just started seeing. I’m hoping for the best, but these are some of the fears that still plague me.

  1. What if it doesn’t work out? I worry that I’m going to be utterly heartbroken and I won’t be able to handle the hurt. I’ll break under the weight of it then I’ll never love again. Can you tell that my mind really loves to go to the worst-case scenario? If it doesn’t work out, I’ll be okay, but my dang mind tells me otherwise.
  2. What if I hurt him? I have quite a past of leaving a string of hurt people. I didn’t know how to treat others in relationships and I was a regular cheat. For these reasons, I’m so worried that I haven’t outgrown my past. Logically, I know this isn’t true. I’m a totally different person. Though emotionally I worry terribly that I’m going to do something that just shatters his heart.
  3. What if I’m not listening to my intuition? I have a giant fear that I’m tuning out my intuition. My gut usually speaks to me so clearly, but sometimes when it comes to dating its message can get garbled. I worry that my intuition is trying to give me a message that this person is wrong for me, yet I’m going about my life just ignoring it. This is one of the fears that plagues me the most because there isn’t much I can do about it but let time pass.
  4. What if we’re incompatible? Sure, I adore him now, but we’re just getting to know each other. In reality, we hardly know each other at all. What if we begin to learn one another more and we discover that we’re utterly incompatible? Then what? I’ll be sad and the relationship will likely be over, but you know what? I can be grateful that we found out about the incompatibility sooner rather than later.
  5. What if I’m messed up? This is a fear that runs deep. I worry terribly that I’m going to get more embedded in a relationship and find out that I totally suck at them. I fear I’ll find out that there’s something deeply wrong with me that cannot be fixed. I know logically that this is a very silly fear, but I can’t help but feel it and worry about it anyways.
  6. What if I cheat? I used to be someone who cheated on just about every partner I was with. I’m not like that anymore, but I also haven’t been in too many relationships since I’ve changed. It’s only natural that I’d be worried about this—it piggybacks off of the fear that I’ll hurt him. Although some fears are worth sharing, this is one I’m going to keep to myself.
  7. What if I don’t like his friends and family? I had actually met his friends and family, but I couldn’t decide if I liked them or not. They were definitely different from my friends and family, but that didn’t necessarily make them unlikable. I do worry that I’ll end up not liking them, then I’ll be with this person who I like yet don’t like his family.
  8. What if we start to hate each other? I totally worry about the spark wearing off and the relationship sinking to the point where we hate each other. I don’t know where I get this one, maybe looking at grumpy marriages and failing relationships. I worry about this before mine even has a chance to get good! I know it’s silly, but it’s my truth. I worry we’ll lose the spark then proceed to hate each other’s guts.
  9. What if my friends and family don’t like him? Sure, I think the person that I’m dating is the bee’s knees, but what if my friends or family see something in him that I don’t? While I don’t entirely depend on it, I appreciate and trust their judgment. I’d want them to be honest with me if they felt there was something they didn’t like. I could just not worry about their feelings about him, but that doesn’t sit right with me.
  10. What if it fails and I’m single forever? There are two thoughts here, but they generally come at the same time. I worry about the relationship failing, but even more so I worry about what’s going to happen after that. I feel like if this one fails it’s going to mean I’m then single forever and I’m never going to find another person. Then I spin off into how I’m going to make this happen. Eek! Dang overthinking mind.
Ginelle Testa's an avid wordsmith. She's a queer gal whose passions include recovery/sobriety, social justice, body positivity, and intersectional feminism. In the rare moments she isn't writing, you can find her holding her own in a recreational street hockey league, thrifting eclectic attire, and imperfectly practicing Buddhism. Follow her on Insta!