10 Fears You Have After A Bad Breakup

Women don’t tend to experience any of the cliché fears after a tough breakup. We don’t worry about dying alone, or contemplate adopting a family of cats, or care that our significant other’s next girlfriend might be prettier than us. Our fears are more based in the logistical nightmares of ending a serious relationship, and the day to day annoyances of having an ex floating around in the world. Here are the things you’re more likely to stress about once you’re single again.

  1. You’ll run into your ex on a “gross day.” Even the most put together women occasionally have a makeup-free, greasy-haired, mismatched sweats from college kind of day. And while you’re confident enough to rock that look, you might have a small panic attack if you run into your ex while channeling your inner homeless person. Because you don’t look like this every day, you’re not in a slump, and you’re not depressed. You hate the idea that your ex might get confused and think he had the power to affect you like that.
  2. He’ll want to share custody of the dog. Even the most brutal breakups don’t justify keeping Fido away from his or her puppy parent. You just hope your ex doesn’t want to be involved in their doggy lives any more so you don’t have to see his face! Plus, divvying up the puppy toys could get ugly.
  3. You might have to get a roommate. After the initial joy of doing whatever you want in your own space wears off, the reality of living alone hits hard. This break up has just DOUBLED your living expenses. You fear that if you can’t keep up with the bills, you may have to ask that friend of a friend who also just had a break up (and isn’t dealing as well as you are) to move in. Or that girl from high school who never moved out of her parent’s house because she may or may not have an Adderall addiction. Or, your ultimate fear, you may have to resort to craigslist. And what if your new roommate is even more annoying than the ex?
  4. He’ll mistake a booty call for an “I miss you” text. You’ve awoken from a deep sleep only the heaviest of drinking can induce. Memories from last night slowly come back, but your initial giggles are crushed when you see what your phone has in store for you. Horror sets in. HE DIDN’T RESPOND TO YOUR BOOTY TEXT. Now you are left with the terrifying thought that HE MIGHT THINK YOU ACTUALLY MISS HIM.
  5. You’ll never get your favorite article of clothing back. Remember that really killer, totally out of your budget cocktail dress you splurged on? Yup. You definitely left it in your exes car after a long night of way too many mixed drinks. The fear of never being reunited with your favorite article of clothing sinks in as even your “you can just leave it in the mailbox when I’m at work” text goes unanswered.
  6. You might have too much fun. It’s so easy to make it to 7 am pilates or slay your 8 am conference call when your couple’s coma has kept you at home watching Netflix and falling asleep at 10 pm after 15 minutes of routine sex. But now that there’s no one to split enough Chinese take out for 4 people with while binge watching House of Cards, it gets harder to turn down that next drink. Or the one after. Or the after hours club after that. What if you never make it to sunrise yoga again?
  7. He won’t take your name off the utility bill.There’s nothing more terrifying than the idea that your ex has power over you credit. And your ability to upgrade your iPhone.
  8. He’ll FINALLY take an interest in one of your hobbies. Or all of them. Not much is worse than seeing your ex has FINALLY decided to join that spin class you’ve been talking about for 3 months. And then he shows up at paint night. And bar trivia. And insists he’s just there because he’s discovered new hobbies post break up. They all just happen to be yours, and only a conceited person would suspect he is keeping tabs on you!
  9. He’ll unfriend you on Facebook first. It’s so fun to send out the message that you’re so over him that there’s literally nothing he could post on social media that you could find interesting. Unless he beats you to the punch. You were just about to do that!
  10. You’ll be bombarded with set ups. You don’t actually care if your friend’s coworker or second cousin is totally ready for a commitment. You aren’t! You don’t want your night ruined with the burden of a forced date. And let’s face it, small talk is horrifying.
Holly Harris is a freelance writer, full time student, and mommy to a toddler sass monster. In her (nearly nonexistent) free time, you can find her lifting something heavy in her home gym or chugging vodka sodas with friends. She contributes to several other sites, including Elite Daily.